Strong Families Leave a Legacy
Psalm 78:1-7
From the “To Save a Life Series” by Hal Seed
Given by Jim Whittaker
In 1829, a British scientist by the name of James Lewis Macie Smithson left a legacy like few others in history. Smithson was childless, so his will stipulated that everything he had would go to his nephew, Henry Hungerford. However, if Hungerford died without heirs, the fortune would go to the United States to establish an institution in Washington, D.C., dedicated to “the increase and diffusion of knowledge.” Hungerford died six years later without progeny in 1835, and the U.S. government used the money to establish The Smithsonian Institute, arguably one of the wisest expenditures in history.Without ever knowing it, James Smithson left one of the greatest legacies of modern times.
I want to encourage you today to think about a legacy to a generation.
When He was 30 years old, Jesus intentionally approached 12 younger men—all between the ages of 14 and 20 years old—and invited them to follow Him so they could become like Him. And they did. Jesus Christ, who never raised a child of His own, did more to influence future generations than any other human being, because He purposed to leave a legacy in the generation after His own.
Our text for today, could easily be called The Psalm of the Next Generation.”
Read v. 6 out loud with me, would you?
…so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children (Psalm 78:6).
It’s a generational commission.
In the movie we’ve been exploring together, Jake Taylor comes to a place in his life where he’s not sure what he wants to believe and doesn’t know which way to turn. Instead of seeking counsel from his parents, he goes to Chris, a man who has reached out to him, and asks him for advice. In our small groups this week, we watched a video where Jake asks the youth director, “why are there so many fakers” in the youth group. Jake had seen the preacher’s son live a very cynical life. He had seen others in the youth group smoke Marijuana. In other words, Jake had seen people in the youth group live a life that was not consistent with what it means to live a Christian life. The youth director says “I don’t know why some people settle” meaning to live a life that is not consistent with the Christian faith. Jake said if I move in this direction of Christian faith, I am “not going to settle.” Jake got it. We are to live a life to make a difference.
I remember asking my youth director what if this whole faith thing is not real and I commit my life to something that is not real. His words changed my life. He said, what if it isn’t real what will you miss? A few drunken parties? Your life will be better than it would have been other wise, but what if it is real, what will you gain? Eternal life.
What mentors have you had in your faith life? I mentioned in the midweek Esermon, my grandparents. When Dianna and I attended our first church as a couple in a new town with no family, Ralph, a home missionary teaching Christ in the schools of Kentucky, had me teaching Sunday School to the old folks at age 20. I could count numerous pastors as mentors: Jack and Jim Bailey, I could count just godly people in the congregation such as Gene McCune. I can count a number of pastors that was close to me who have gone on to be with the Lord such as Sam McMillian, and Whit Warren. I can count my own Sunday School class members who were growing in the faith as I grew in the faith such as Barbara and Steve. The fact is we are mentoring the faith to each other and to the next generation.
First of all, if you are going to influence the next generation, you’ve got to…
1. Play your part in your own generation.
Serving in your generation will give you the credibility you need to be listened to by the next generation.
The Bible says that from one man he [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live (Acts 17:26).
Did you know that you are living in the exact time and the exact place God wanted you to? He wants to use you here and now. God has a plan for you among your peers.
The Bible says, When David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep… (Acts 13:36).
Our primary calling is to our own generation. Job No. 1 is to influence your peers. But that’s not enough. I love what the writer of Psalm 71 says: Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation (Psalm 71:18).
Do you see what he’s saying? “God, don’t let me die before I pass on the faith to the next generation.”
2. Care about the next generation.
Another hero you may have never heard of was Charles Simeon. Charles Simeon was called to pastor Holy Trinity Church in Cambridge, England, in 1782. Back then, each of the pews had a little door on it. Wealthy members of the church would buy their own pews. Most of the members of the church so strongly disliked Charles Simeon that, on Sunday mornings, they would arrive at church 15 minutes early; lock the door to their pew, and leave.
But the students of Cambridge loved Simeon. They came and stood in the aisles to listen to him. For seven years he packed the aisles with college students before the older generation began to come and sit in their pews.
Simeon started inviting these students to his house every Friday night. They would have tea, and then he would teach them well into the night, answering their questions about God and ministry until midnight. By the time of his death, approximately one-third of the ministers of England were men who had been influenced by Charles Simeon.
That’s why we have a nursery. That’s why we have Sunday School. That’s why we have a children’s and youth group and that’s why we are about to begin confirmation class. That’s why we want to get our 20 and 30 year olds involved in leading in our church.
It was a 65 year old man (Ralph) who led me to teach Sunday School at age 20. I told him what can I teach all of the old people. He told me we want to hear about the Bible from a perspective of a young person. I seriously doubt that I taught that older adult class anything, but they all smiled at me and encouraged me to teach. They knew they were passing the faith on to a younger generation.
If you want to influence the next generation, you must care about the next generation. Once you care about the next generation, then…
3. Teach a few (in the next generation).
Teach a few of them. Most of us won’t be able to take on over a hundred like a pastors, or 35 as a youth director, but if we care, we’ll find a way to teach a few.
Psalm 145 says, One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts (Psalm 145:4).
In my opinion, one of the greatest leaders in American history is a lady you’ve probably never heard of. Her name was Henrietta Mears.
Henrietta Mears loved the next generation, so she became a Sunday school teacher. She loved the next generation so much, she assumed the leadership of her entire church’s Sunday school program. From there, for the next 35 years, she taught a generation of amazing men and women. She taught Bill Bright, who founded Campus Crusade for Christ, the largest missions group in the world today. She founded Forest Home, the largest Christian camp in southern California. While at Forest Home, Billy Graham made a decision to become a minister. She influenced the founder of Young Life, the largest high school ministry in the country. Her careful teaching influenced more than 400 young adults to enter full-time Christian ministry, and hundreds of others to become world-class businessmen, artists and educators.
Henrietta Mears believed that every man and woman, every boy and girl, “must feel that there is a task for them to do, that there is a place marked X for every person in God’s Kingdom. Here is my X, no one can stand in this place but me. I must help others to find their places”
(Dream Big: The Henrietta Mears Story, p. 191).
Most of us won’t be able to do that. But if we are going to influence even some in the next generation, besides serving ours and caring about the next and teaching a few, we need to…
4. Invest in two or three.
God is blessing us in this place. We are touching more people for Christ than ever before. Yet, this is only possible because of the faithfulness and dedication of people that have already gone on to be with the Lord, some are homebound, and some are here. These are people who have sacrificed deeply for this church and invested in this generation. They knew if they were faithful, God would bless this church. They knew if they invested in their young people that some day they would be leaders in this church.
They passed the baton. That means they passed on the faith and leadership of the church to the next generation. This is our time. Some have already passed on the baton. We are carrying the baton now and soon the younger generation will take hold of that baton to carry the faith to the next generation. We cannot afford to drop the baton.
During the last Olympics, the U.S. men’s 400-meter relay team looked like they could win the gold or silver medal. Our first runner had done well, and our second one had done well. But when the exchange came between the third and fourth runner, Darvis Patten and Tyson Gay, do you remember what happened? One of them dropped the baton, and we came home without a medal. The team was disqualified.
The next day, all our hopes rested on the women’s 400 relay team. Do you remember what happened to them?
Same thing.
Dropping batons happens a lot in sports. Let’s not let it happen in our church.
Serve, Care, teach, invest. This is the key to the influencing the next generation. Let us not drop the baton. Where is God calling you to step up today.
Amen.
From the “To Save a Life Sermon Series.”
www.halseed.com
Sermon – The Benefits of Faith
Hebrews 11:1-3; 12:1-2
Jim Whittaker
October 24, 2010
Look in a dictionary, and you’ll find this definition of faith: A confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of another person.
Dianna and I went to Grandfather Mountain a few years back. Walking out on the bridge to the point to get the view was nice, but there was still a mountain behind us so we took the trail. It was a different type of trail and a few times we used ladders to climb rock faces. We made it finally to the very top of the mountain. It was tricky. You climbed to the top of the ladder. Reached up and put your hands on a guy wire. You moved yourself from the ladder to a rock ledge. You then walked along the ledge while holding the guy wire to get yourself in position to pull yourself up to the top of the cliff. It was a little difficult. I did it and I could tell the view was going to be incredible. I told Dianna. OK your turn. Dianna said, “I can’t do it.” Panic starting going all over me. I said, “but just this one little bit more and we are on top of the mountain.” Dianna said, “I can’t do it.” I realized I needed to encourage her. “Of course you can, I will give you my hand and pull you up.” After a lot of coaxing, Dianna walked across the ledge. I don’t think you would die if you fell, but it wouldn’t be good. There comes times in our life when we have to let go of the known, the safe thing, and take a step of faith or even a leap of faith to move us to a new destination. Remember faith is confidence in the truth, a value, or a person. Dianna grabbed my hand. “I still don’t think I can do it,” she said. I assured her I would not let go no matter what. In a moment of faith and with nothing between her and falling off a cliff but a husband’s hand she jumped into the world of the unknown with the hopes and dreams of a better destination. The view was absolutely incredible. We had someone take our picture because we felt we truly were on the top of the world. That incredible experience though was only possible because of faith. Without faith, we would have climbed to the edge of glory and failed our journey. With faith, we were redeemed and truly set free to see I believe one of best views in eastern North America.
Faith is a confident belief in the trustworthiness of God, that He is with you, that He is able to hold your hand and lift you to a higher place, that He exists and wants to guide your life. This is not a typical 3 point sermon. I want to overwhelm you with the benefits of having faith in Christ. You won’t remember all of these so get out your pen and the sermon outline. We are going to quickly cover the 15 benefits of faith. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones we will use.
What happens when you come to faith in Christ?
First thing, instantaneously:
1. You get forgiven. You get your mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual slate washed clean.
The Bible says, All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name (Acts 10:43).
Do you know what forgiveness is? It means getting a clean slate on the outside and a sense of peace on the inside. People with faith have forgiveness.
2. You get a new life.
The Bible says, …if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Don’t you love it in a computer game when you reach a new level or stumble on a treasure stash, or your little avatar gets a new life? People of faith get a brand-new life not in some virtual world, but in the real world. They get to walk away from all the junk they’ve stored up and live a whole new life freed from its weight. That benefit alone is worth it, wouldn’t you agree?
But besides forgiveness and new life, when people like Jake and people like us express faith in Christ for the very first time…
3. You get a new way of seeing.
There’s a famous story in the New Testament where Jesus heals a blind man. There’s a lot of confusion in the neighborhood about what’s really happened. But the formerly blind guy clears it all up when he announces, “You all can think whatever you want, but…“One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” (John 9:25)
One time in the Old Testament, a pagan, foreign general was healed of leprosy by the words of a prophet of Israel. This general, whose name was Naaman, says to everyone around him, “Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel” (2 Kings 5:15).
When a person has faith, they see the world differently. They start to see the world through the lenses of a God who is there, who cares, who has plans and dreams, and who makes promises to His children.
4. You get a new set of values.
When the Holy Spirit comes into a person’s life at their invitation after their expression of faith, they begin to care about things that they never thought about caring about before.
When Jesus was asked how His people should live, He said they should ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39).
So people of faith find themselves loving God and loving people, which is often a new orientation to the direction of their life.
5. You get a new sense of purpose.
This is why I love meeting with people who have just recently come to Christ. The Bible says, …we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Usually, new believers haven’t figured out exactly what those good works look like for them yet, but they’re excited about finding out.
And I love showing them Matthew 4:19, where Jesus says, “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men”(Matthew 4:19).
I love showing this verse, because often I get to see the lights go on. “Fishers of men? What’s that?” Well, the first men Jesus said that to were professional fishermen. What Jesus was saying to them was, “From now on, I want to give you a bigger, more fulfilling challenge. From now on, I want you to join me in catching men, in helping others come to faith just like you came to faith. If you think it’s exhilarating pulling in a wide-mouth bass, just wait until you get to see someone you love discover that God loves them and wants to have an eternal relationship with them!”
6. You get a supernatural guide for life.
“…when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
The Spirit of truth is the Holy Spirit who enters a person’s life quietly and permanently when they express their faith in Christ for the first time. This Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity. He is fully God—eternal, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-caring, all-wise, and all-willing to guide you in making not just better decisions, but the best decisions you can possibly make.
Maybe most importantly, when you come to faith…
7. You get set free from sin.
You know how certain things just seem impossible to resist? The Bible boldly announces that, for all Christ followers, You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:18). Since greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world, you don’t have to sin any longer. How’s that?
We’re not even halfway through! So far, I’ve given all the benefits of faith with the help of Scripture and personal experience. Here’s one directly from the annals of science.
For the last several years, scientists have been discovering that when you get faith…
8. You get the potential for better health.
Here’s just one example: Dr. Thomas Oxman of Dartmouth Medical School in New Hampshire did a study to discover what role religion might play in the health and recovery of elderly people. He took 232 patients more than 55 years of age who had open-heart surgery. Oxman found that those who derive at least some strength and comfort from their religious faith are three times more likely to survive than those who don't. You can check out his research at http://www.mindpub.com/art142.htm
Along with better health, scientists are discovering that with faith…
9. You get the potential for longer life.
Neil MacQueen cites studies by Duke University, Indiana University, The University of Michigan, The Center for Disease Control, Barna Research Group, and the National Institute for Healthcare Research which conclude that faith will increase the average life expectancy of your children by eight years. www.Sundaysoftware.com/stats.htm
If science isn’t enough for you, God hints at this as well. Moses said to the people in the Old Testament: “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess” (Deuteronomy 32:46-47).
All these things are wonderful, but this is a family series, so are you wondering when I’ll get around to family benefits?
Here’s one. When you express faith in Christ…
10. You get to be part of God’s extended family (with all the benefits).
God says that...as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers (Galatians 6:10).
So God not only draws us into His family, but He tells all our new brothers and sisters to make doing good to us one of their top priorities.
In addition, God says we should…
Serve one another (Galatians 5:13).
Be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10).
Instruct one another (Romans 15:14).
11. You get God’s provision (if you obey God’s commands).
He says in Proverbs 3:9-10 that when you…Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine (Proverbs 3:9-10).
This is not a promise to pagans; it’s a promise to the faithful, to those who are part of the faith. This is why I am so hopeful that all of us in this room will be part of the faithful from now on, even if we’ve never been before.
If this isn’t enough, here’s one that might be worth all the rest:
12. You get a home in heaven.
Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places. If it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you so that where I am, you may be also” (John 14:1-3). It’s the promise He made to all the faithful: a home in heaven.
13. You get release from the fear of death.
It’s the No. 1 fear for most Americans. The Bible says, …by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death (Hebrews 2:15).
If you know Jesus, you don’t have to fear death, which is why Paul says in a taunting voice: Where, O death, is your sting? (1 Corinthians 15:55) If he were saying this now, he’d probably say something like, “Bring it on!”
14. You become able to please God.
The Bible says, …without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6).
And finally, when you get faith:
15. You get the promise of never being separated from Him.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).
Look at this list, friends. It’s only a partial list. But where can you get a better deal than that?
From a practical standpoint, we are going to take a historical look at faith on a family. Several years ago, Al Sanders did a study of the descendants of one Jonathan Edwards. Edwards was a Christian who lived in New England from 1703 to 1758, before America became its own nation. Edwards lived by faith.
Sanders contrasted what happened to the descendants of Jonathan Edwards to those of Max Jukes, who was a hunter and fisher and had little interest in God, but lived at about the same time. (I quote from Al Sanders in Crisis in Morality!)
“Max Juke…married an ungodly girl, and from the union there were 310 [children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc.] who died as paupers, 150 criminals, seven murderers, 100 drunkards, and more than half of the women [of the family] were prostitutes. His 540 descendants cost the State one and a quarter million dollars.
"But [this principle of faith and no-faith]… works both ways! There is a record of a great American man of God, Jonathan Edwards. He lived at the same time as Max Juke, but he married a godly girl. An investigation was made of 1,394 known descendants of Jonathan Edwards, of which 13 became college presidents, 65 college professors, three United States senators, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 preachers and missionaries, 60 authors of prominence, one vice-president of the United States, 80 public officials in other capacities, and 295 college graduates, among whom were governors of states and ministers to foreign countries. His descendants did not cost the state a single penny.
Now that is faith from a just a practical standpoint. This is beside the point that our souls our saved from the wrath of God and we instead have an eternity to live in God’s reign or kingdom. Isn’t this worth passing on to our children? Let’s be sure we understand how we get faith.
How do you get faith?
1. You make a calculated decision to believe.
…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… (Joshua 24:15).
To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12).
2. You verbalize your faith.
…if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9).
3. You live by faith.
We live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness (Colossians 2:6-7).
You live with Christ as the center of your life, the most important person in your life. His agenda becomes your agenda. His hopes become your hopes. His plans and purpose and values become yours. All this enables you to become the person God has created you to be. We are living in the kingdom of God when God reigns in our heart. Do you have this faith? Amen.
This sermon is derived from Hal Seed’s Sermon Series “To Save a Life,” which can be purchased from www.outreach.com as part of the Church kit. We have purchased the community movie license, the church kit, the small group kits, and the leader kits. This material is copyrighted and should not be copied without the approval of www.outreach.com.
Forgiveness Family Style
Strengthening the Family: Sermon #4
Pentecost 21C; October 17, 2010
Jim Whittaker
Luke 17.1-4
17Jesus said to his disciples, “Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to anyone by whom they come! 2It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. 3Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. 4And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”
Our text for today is not a part of our lectionary readings. Sometimes, texts are difficult. This is one. There is a strong rebuke to anyone that does not build children up, and there is also a strong command to forgive for an unlimited time if there is genuine repentance. What are we to do with such texts?
Use them and apply them. These texts are designed to sand down or to cut off the rough edges of our lives. These texts intend to move us to be the best child of God that we can be. They are not encouraging us to commit suicide if we fail. These texts are encouraging us to take seriously our call to raise children and our call to forgive. I chose this text for this reason. Family and forgiveness are both the subject. This is a tough work that God has called us to do. It is the work of forgiveness.
When Dianna and I were racing sailboats, it was critical that the bottom of the boat was slick. Since we didn’t leave our boat in the water, we didn’t have barnacles, but we still wanted it smooth. I wet sanded the bottom using a higher grade of sandpaper making it up to 400 and even 600. After that, I sprayed the bottom of the boat with silicone. We were intending for fast and smooth. There were no obstacles. There were no hindrances. Making things smooth, that is the work of forgiveness.
Great family members forgive.
Great family members get forgiven.
Great family members forgive themselves.
In the movie To Save A Life, just about every character does something that requires forgiveness. Jake Taylor’s dad cheats on his mom. That’s going to require some major forgiveness. Jake ignores his friend Roger when he needs him most. That’s going to require some forgiveness. Roger’s mother doesn’t notice the pain her son is in, a pain so deep he takes his own life. That’s certainly going to require some self-forgiveness.
Let’s start with Jake and his dad. Few sins are harder to forgive than the sin of unfaithfulness. This transgression against the trust and soul of another is so painful that it’s actually one of two conditions under which the Bible says a person is allowed to seek divorce (Matt. 19:9). So Mrs. Taylor has a choice: She can forgive and reconcile, or she can divorce and deal with all the issues that come with it.
It comes down to this, either forgive or to not forgive. While we cannot ignore the hurt in the family in this situation, Christ gives us a model to follow. Forgiveness is who we are as Christians. Now I have said this before, and I will say it again, just because we forgive someone they do not have the right to abuse us again. The scriptures are also clear. We are to forgive because they have repented. That means changed their ways. An abused woman or child should not go back into an abusive situation to get hurt again. There is supposed to be change to forgiving someone. While the Bible tells us to forgive because Christ first forgave you, Christ also expects us to repent and to grow more Christ like. Let’s take the flip side of forgiving. Let’s say that Jake refuses to forgive his father. It is 40 years later, and he still hasn’t forgiven him. That’s not healthy so we are going to explore our motivation to forgive.
1. They find the motivation to forgive.
The Bible says, Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13, TNIV). This is not easy to do, so it can help to go through a mental exercise to walk yourself up the motivation trail. Think through the following:
A. I don’t want to give Satan a foothold in my life. When I harbor anger against a friend or family member, it gives the devil a weak spot where he can drill deep into me. I don’t want him anywhere near my life. So I want to forgive.
B. I want peace in my life, not bitterness. When I refuse to forgive someone, I suffer far more than they do, because they’re not the ones thinking about what’s wrong between us—I am. They’re not the one whose blood pressure is elevated—mine is. They’re not the one who lies awake at night replaying the hurt—I am.
C. I’m not perfect.
I may not have committed the offense they have, but there are things I need forgiveness for. And if I want to be forgiven, I know I must be a forgiving person.
Thinking through these three ideas will lead most of us to conclude, “I should do my best to forgive.” But there’s one final thought that usually tips the scale:
D. Christ forgave me.
For anyone who has experienced the deep, full, freeing forgiveness of Jesus, gratitude overcomes emotions, and the decision to forgive gets made.
So after generating the motivation to forgive, great family members take the action necessary.
2. They say the words. If the three most powerful words in the world are “I love you,” the three most restorative words are “I forgive you.”
You know the funny thing about this? When I say “I forgive you” and really mean it, not only is there a weight lifted off you, but usually there’s an even bigger weight lifted off me. And there’s usually an invisible barrier between us that dissolves, and we gain the freedom to feel and act normal around each other again.
For some of us, saying those three words is a real hurdle. So practice it with me right now. Just say it out loud with me: I forgive you.
Pronouncing the words isn’t difficult, but releasing the feelings often is, so let’s take the practice a little further. Imagine the person who is really irritating you these days. Picture them in your mind and say the words again: I forgive you.
3. They say the words again. And again. And again. It’s like clenching your fist and then releasing it. If you’re used to tightening your fingers around something for a long time, they get used to closing up, which means you’ve got to open them intentionally over and over again to loosen them. The internal dialogue often goes like this: “I thought I forgave that person. I’m sure I did. But I’m feeling resentment again, so I guess I’m going to have to make the choice and say the words again: I forgive you.”
While that process of forgiving and reforgiving is going on, you can begin working on the relationship on another level.
4. They work toward rebuilding trust.
Here’s a reality of forgiveness that you might not know:
Forgiveness must be granted. It can’t be earned. So you have to make the choice and voice the words. But trust can’t be granted. It must be earned.
You’ve heard the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” When someone establishes a pattern of untrustworthy behavior, you don’t trust them. It wouldn’t make sense. So, when a repeat offender wants to be forgiven, you grant forgiveness. And if they want to restore the relationship, then you set up a system by which they can prove that they really have changed.
If a formerly alcoholic wife is going to be out later than she expected, her husband will assume that she’s out drinking—it’s only natural that he would think that. So the rule is, “Before I go anywhere for longer than 15 minutes, I will let you know where I will be and how long I will be there. If I’m not where I said I would be when I said I would be there, I will call with a verifiable reason for being late. I will do this for the next two to three years, so I can earn back your trust. I want you to be able to trust me, and I know you can’t unless I prove myself.”
If Jake’s dad wants Jake’s mom or Jake himself to trust him again, he must set up a system by which they can know for sure that he’s not out fooling around with someone else. Forgiveness is granted, but trust is earned.
C.S. Lewis once said to a friend,
Last week, while at prayer, I suddenly discovered—or felt as if I did—that I had forgiven someone I had been trying to forgive for over thirty years, trying and praying that I might. When the thing actually happened—sudden as the longed-for cessation of one’s neighbor’s radio—my feeling was, “But it’s so easy. Why didn’t I do it ages ago?” – C.S. Lewis[1]
How Family Members Get Forgiven
On Good Friday afternoon, when Jesus Christ was tethered to a cross on a Judean hillside, He looked down at the men who had put Him there and said, “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they are doing.” And then He looked up to heaven and said just one word:
TETELESTAI. The word means, “PAID IN FULL.” If a Greek merchant writes “tetelestai” across the bottom of your bill, it means you owe no more debt. It’s been forgiven.
Family members get forgiven by accepting what Christ has done for them.
Friends, Jesus’ payment for your sins on the Cross was the greatest gift you’ll ever receive. But you must receive it. He’s too much of a gentleman to force it on you. The Bible says your prerequisites for getting forgiven are: 1) Believe that you need forgiveness and 2), Receive the forgiveness that Jesus offers you by accepting His sin-payment on your behalf. Around here, many of us have prayed a simple prayer that goes like this: “Lord Jesus, I am a sinner in need of a Savior, and I invite you to be mine. Forgive me for the things I’ve done wrong and lead me now into ways that are right.”
If you prayed that prayer, let me show you something. Jesus once explained how delighted God is whenever someone prays a prayer like you just prayed. He said, There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents (Luke 15:10). This means that, right now, God and all His angels are giving high-fives and whooping it up over what has just happened to you.
And let me tell you what has just happened to you: You have had your sins—the very things that separated you from God—removed from your spiritual ledger. Psalm 103 says …as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12). That’s a long way, friend.
And that’s not all. When you open the door to Jesus, He comes in. So, right now, Jesus is living inside you by means of the Holy Spirit. And He will never leave you or forsake you.
Say this with me again:
Great family members forgive.
Great family members get forgiven. And finally,
Great family members forgive themselves.
How Family Members Forgive Themselves
Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do. Imagine Roger’s mother finding the strength to forgive herself for not understanding or responding to how much her son was hurting. More and more these days, I meet people who have Satan doing a number on them, convincing them they could never be forgiven, and they just keep feeling unworthy and remain unable to forgive themselves. So I want to take a few minutes and help you understand how to release the barnacles from your ship—even if the barnacles are you.
Look at this passage for a minute. One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
Here’s God’s promise to you, and here’s God’s process:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:8-9).
The encouraging thing about this passage is that it lets us know that everybody sins. Anybody who claims they haven’t or don’t is a liar. The even more encouraging thing is that when we confess, we get forgiven and purified.
Here’s the process:
1. Receive Christ’s forgiveness. Some of you did that for the first time today.
2. Confess what you’ve done wrong. The word “confess” simply means “to agree with.” Agree with God that what you did was wrong. And then…
3. Let it go. Forget what is behind by concentrating on what is ahead. Let it go. Just like you open your hand and let your bitterness go, open your hand and let your shame and regret and self-loathing go. If you’ve done Steps 1 and 2, God has let it go. Why hold onto it if Jesus has already let go of it?
Remember the process for forgiving others?
1. Get motivation.
2. Say the words.
3. Say them again.
Here’s your motivation: If you’ve confessed your sin, God has forgiven you. He’s purified you. He’s separated your sins from you as far as the east is from the west.
So here are the words: I forgive myself. Say this with me: I forgive myself. Now say it again: I forgive myself.
Colossians 2:13 says this: You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross (Colossians 2:13-14).
“He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.”
Amen.
[1] C.S. Lewis,
Letters to Malcolm
Sermon – Teach Your Children Well
Sermon #3 in Series – Strengthen Your Family; October 10, 2010
Jim Whittaker
I have been nominated for the Leadership Fellows program in the Academy for Leadership Excellence. I had to dust off the Strength Finders test that I had done a few years back. My top three strengths were belief, maximize, and learner. To summarize quickly, this would mean I believe what you believe matters. We should all want to be the best that God has called us to be, and we should be willing to learn from both our successes and our failures. It seems everyone is doing tests on their employees. I certainly have been through a lot of testing through the conference, but how do these things relate to raising a family. What is important to family?
My mother told me “we did the best we could with what we knew.” I have joked that we were trying to do better with our grandchildren. The bottom line is – it is difficult raising children. There was a political slogan some years back that said “it takes a village to raise a child,” and it is true. We all as a church have responsibilities in teaching children, but what is important to our family?
Last week-end, some of you probably met our son Andy and his wife Vicki. They were skinny. It might not surprise you then that they have become health nuts. Andy is running, biking, and swimming in triathlons. Vicki ran in a 5K race recently. They are really careful about what they eat. It might not surprise you then that Dianna and I used to shop at health food stores before the main grocery stores broadened their product line. Being healthy has always been important to us.
What you may not know about Andy is he has been tutoring Hispanic children in the English language through his church for about 3 years on a weekly basis. He has chosen to serve God in a way different perhaps than we did, but one that he finds very meaningful.
As I look at how he chooses to live I can see that there are some non-negotiables in his life: Faith is non-negotiable, going to church – non-negotiable, tithing – non-negotiable, praying – non-negotiable. Being a fan of Duke – I suppose that is negotiable, but you may need to ask him. I don’t mean for this to be bragging in any way. In fact, when it comes to raising children I am much more inclined to get on my knees and pray forgive me Lord that I wasn’t a better parent.
At one point, I felt that Dianna and I had gotten worn out with the trials of life and we were not living out our Christian faith in action with what I believe we felt in our heart. I felt that we had let our children down by not giving them the most consistent Christian witness that we could. We decided to raise the bar in how we lived out our Christian faith so that what we did was consistent with what we felt in our heart. I told Dianna, we cannot change the past, but we change the future. I wanted to be sure that my children understood there is nothing more important in your life than knowing Jesus as your Savior and then living that belief out every day.
We do not come arrogantly when it comes to children; instead, I come humbly before God when it comes to my children, knowing that it is only by God’s grace. I can also say it is no accident that there are non-negotiables in their life.
What are your non-negotiables of life?
Years ago I took an Old Testament class at a local Bible College in Ashland, Kentucky. Deuteronomy 6 :4 jumped out to me as a rule for life. When I first took Disciple Bible study in the Old Testament, I already had a name for this rule – the Shema. (as a footnote, if you haven’t taken Disciple I Bible Study, you need too). When I had Old Testament at Duke, I was ready to shout it’s praises. When I took a course from a Jewish Rabbi, and he taught us the prayer that Jews pray daily – Behold the Lord God is one – I said, glory hallelujah.
Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is our rule of life:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise (NRSV).
Step 1 – Love God
Loving God is a non-negotiable of life. This scripture begins with the acknowledgment that there is really only one God even though we may put many gods in our life. We are teach our children. We are to teach our neighbors. We are to teach our community. We are to teach the world – love God.
Moses instructed the people and later Jesus did the same – love God with all of your heart. This is personal. When someone has your heart, it changes how you do things. When someone has your heart, it changes your priorities. When someone has your heart, there are things you will not do because it will hurt the one who has your heart. When someone has your heart, there are things you must do, because it pleases the one who has your heart.
If God has my heart, church is non-negotiable, prayer is non-negotiable, reaching out to others is non-negotiable. The devil tried to steal Jesus’ heart. He will try to steal ours as well. The devil tried to get Jesus to misuse the power and the gifts he had been given. The devil wanted him to let his gifts benefit himself. Jesus came to benefit others.
To love God with all your soul is to love God with your very essence of who you are. I may not be able to love God the same way you can, but I can love God as he made me to love him. The key here is are we willing to give ourselves over to God completely and fully. Lastly, God says love me with all of your might or strength. Ever felt like you were too tired to go to church. God says worship me in your strength. Maybe we try to do too much, and then we do not have the strength to worship God.
Loving God is a non-negotiable of life.
Step 2 – Live for God
The scripture say that we are to “keep these words.” One thing is certainly clear, you cannot live the word if you are not in the word. If you haven’t read through the entire Bible yet, you need to start. If you are not having a devotion every day, today is your first day. If you have not been willing to learn from classes we have in the church, you need to change your attitude and get in a Sunday School class, small group, and I am certainly recommending the “Companions for Christ” study.
In John 14:26, Jesus says, “the Holy Spirit will remind you of all that I have said unto you.” If want the Holy Spirit to remind you of the word, you gotta get in the word. The first step for living for God is knowing the word. The second step is to take action in our life.
How did our children know they were to be giving people? Because, Dianna and I had worked at the NC Food Bank, build houses at Habitat, put roofs on houses where people couldn’t afford it, gave furniture to the poor, worked in cleanup for the flood, ate with the homeless, and we were very involved in a program that helped move people from the homeless to having a home. Part of our program was we ate with them as we each had to go through a training program.
We had even gone to Washington DC to protest the lack of housing for the poorest of our society. That’s how we did it. I don’t know for sure how you are going to do it though I have some ideas, but one thing here is non-negotiable – you are to live for God.
Step 3 – Train or Teach your children
Several years ago, my mother brought out a cassette tape she had made over 20 years ago. It was Laura and Andy singing the B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me. I stand alone on the word of God. The B-I-B-L-E. The BIBLE!
Dianna and I had noted that our grandchildren due to our daughter’s nursing schedule of working on week-ends and Bobby making now two tours to Iraq were not as knowledgeable as we thought they ought to be in the Bible. We thank God for the help this church has been in their Sunday School and with the Kids for the Kingdom program. They made substantial improvement in their understanding of God and salvation during the last couple of years.
Matthew asked me what was baptism? I told him that it was a gift of God of grace that Jesus died on the cross for us so that we could be made right with God. Our participation in baptism is a sign of our co-operation of what God has already done. We either get baptized as a baby signifying God has done all there is to do in salvation or baptized as we get older signifying that we are identifying ourselves as Christians and we are now marked as one of God’s children. All that God asks from us is to believe. Matthew said I already believe in Jesus and that he saved me. My friends, Sunday School and Kids for the Kingdom taught that too him. Dianna and I helped connect some dots for him.
Don’t underestimate the power of teaching our children the Bible stories. Statistics tell us that most people that are saved do so by age 16 and the vast majority certainly by age of 20. Teaching our children God’s word and the gospel story of salvation is a non-negotiable. The Bible says talk about your faith every chance you get. When you get up in the morning, when you lie down at night, during the day, when you travel, when you stay at home – on other words, everywhere and anywhere that you can.
Let’s take a Biblical example – Timothy
There is no doubt, Timothy was an apprentice of the faith to be one of perhaps many that took Paul’s place.
In 2 Timothy 1:5 he says, I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice… (2 Timothy 1:5).
A few chapters later he says, “Timothy, continue to model what was recited to you.” His exact words were, But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:14-17).
Love, live, teach – That’s it folks. This has been our rule of faith for our life. I was pleasantly surprised to see Hal Seed’s was the same. He called it his “template.” What is your non-negotiables of life? We can let a lot of things slide in life, but our faith is not one of them.
I am reminded of a quote by Martin Luther, and I quote: I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God.
I have a difficult time reading Martin Luther due to the aggressive talk of the times because of the conflict of the Protestant Reformation, but I admire him for his stand. Are you willing to stand for God even if it is not popular? Or even if it is not easy? It does take an effort to love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, and your might. It is a tough job raising children. We need the church’s help in training children, but don’t think there is nothing to do on your own end. We all begin at the same place.
We are to love God with all we have. May God bless us as we live for him. Amen.
Sermon #2 – Strengthen Your Family and Relationships - Fight Well
Various Scriptures
October 3, 2010; Pentecost 19C
Jim Whittaker
Dianna and I have been married for 34 years. That by no means is a testament of a perfect 34 years. It is a testimony of perseverance. Every relationship encounters miscommunication and misunderstandings. Sometimes, there is a strong difference in opinion. There has been plenty of compromising and negotiating along the way. Today’s topic seems like a strange one. It is titled – “Fight Well.” We are going through a sermon series titled to “Strengthen a Family.” We all want good families, and we all want good relationships that extend beyond our family. We want good relationships at church, and we want good relationships at those we work with or see every day.
We need to admit, we are sinners. The story of Adam and Eve in the garden and their disobedience reveals how sin entered the world. There are no perfect relationships. As Romans 3:23 says, “all have sinned.” But, Christians do not stay and live in sin. Yes, we are sinners, but as believers in Christ, we are the redeemed. We believe that God’s plan is to make us more holy as he is holy. We are a people witnessing to the redeeming act of God. What does our life say? Does our life witness to the redemption we claim in God. There is going to be differences of opinions. We all have different personalities. To put it in simple language, a fight is inevitable in relationships.
I recall a time when our children were about twelve, and they were spending the week with grandparents. Dianna and I were taking advantage of the kids being gone and painting their bedrooms. Somewhere along the way, Dianna and I starting arguing over how to raise our children. This was going no where. I remember Dianna saying this is what I feel is important. I also remember saying, but that is what I feel is important. We were sitting down and both of us fell back against the wall and thought – then what are we arguing about. We had spent 15 minutes of intense discussion, and we both were arguing for exactly the same thing. Our families used different methods to raise us. What we were arguing about was how we perceived to get to the end through the methods we were raised with. That was a watershed moment for me. Arguing though perhaps unavoidable as God’s fallen creatures, still can be a dangerous thing.
There is a story of a man who had his apartment broke into by firefighters who had been summoned by the smoke coming out of his apartment. What they found was his bed was smoldering and ready to break out into a fire. They asked him what happened. Why was the bed smoldering? He said, “he didn’t know. It was that way when he laid down.” Our reaction is are you crazy – no one lies down on a bed that is burning. Yet, arguments and fights can be just like that – lying down on a burning bed.
How can we fight well? How can it be honoring unto God?
I. Why is it hard to fight well? Fights occur because of our self-centered ways.
James 4:1-3 has some words of advice for us:
Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do thy not come from your cravings that are at war within you? You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder. And you covet something and cannot obtain it; so you engage in disputes and conflicts. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures.
A great question to ask is this – is this just about me? My concerns? Or, is there something bigger here? What are the concerns of the other person?
II. Why is it hard to fight well? Fighting mad makes us dumber.
James tells us that our own personal self- interests often over-ride common sense. Now here is a fact
proven by psychologists. When a person is mad, their I.Q. drops by 20 points.
Fighting while mad is dangerous.
Repeat this after me. I don’t want to hurt the people I love.
Repeat this after me: I will never fight while mad again.
III. Fighting God’s Way.
First, we have talked about what makes us fight bad – a preoccupation with our own self interest and fighting mad. So what does God’s word say that could help us? We are now going to turn to Philippians 2:3-4. This is a passage that encourages us to be like Christ.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.
Now let’s review. James says arguments are centered on our own self interests. Philippians says be like Christ and do not let your own selfish ambitions be your guide. Instead, consider that others opinions not only are valuable but perhaps even better than your own.
Scriptures are clearly telling us to put other’s first. That doesn’t mean the other person is always right. What it means is that we will seriously consider their feelings, and their concerns.
IV. Using the Fight Method.
There are some things that we do not have time to cover today like how the value of the issue and the value of the relationship effect the argument. We are going to quickly cover these points that will be covered in our small group meetings.
a. F- Figure out the issue.
b. I – Identify each person’s needs.
c. G – Generate solutions.
d. H – Have prayer together.
e. T – Take responsibility for solutions
In the movies, “To Save a Life,” Jake is the high school popular athlete that is dating Amy the popular cheerleader. They are at a party doing things they should not be doing when the police arrive. Everyone scatters. Amy says let’s go, and Jake delays. She thinks only of herself, takes his truck keys, and leaves. Now that Amy left Jake at the party by himself with the police arriving and Jake must find his own way of escape, when Amy calls him on his cell phone, he thinks only of himself, and will not answer, because she left him to fend for himself. They are not fighting well. They need to use the “Fight Method,” which should move them to look beyond their own self interests. It will be the next day when the disagreement escalates as each one blames the other for the fight. We can do better. If we claim Christ not only as Savior but also as Lord, we can do better.
V. Use Godly Principles
1. Take the initiative.
We have wars in the world, because we can’t get along. We fight politically, because we can’t get along. We are a people of reconciliation. In an argument, it doesn’t matter who did what. We are a people that claim redemption that is we are set free from the self centered interests that lead to sin. We are a people who have been commanded by God to carry on the ministry of reconciliation. We don’t have much of a message of making the world right with Christ, if we can get it right. II Cor. 5:18-19,
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their sin against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.
We are to be about making peace in the world. We are about showing forgiveness to others. We are about demonstrating the transformation that Christ brings to those who give their life to Christ. Surely then if that is who we are, we should take the initiative to resolve problems.
2. Talk to God before you talk to the person
Philippians 4:6 says, Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer sn supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. So Pray first. We are God’s people. We claim that God hears us. We claim that God answers our prayers. If that is so, should we not pray. Try praying right in the middle of an argument – talk about killing self interests.
3. Consider, that you may be the problem.
Matthew 7:3-5, Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?....You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
We have to consider the possibility that it is us that is the problem. We don’t want to hear it, but if we truly care for the other person, we need to ask the question. Is it I, O Lord? Am I the one who is betraying the Christian life.
4. Resolve rather than boil
Ephesians 4:26-27, Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
We are to learn to use godly principles, look out for the interests of others, and to make reconciliation who we are as God’s people. Use this, teach this, and learn some more in your small groups this week.
Be the people, God has called us to be. We have been set free from the sinful habits that the devil seeks to control us with. We have been redeemed by the blood of the lamb. Believe and live like you believe. Amen.
The Sermon Outline is part of Hal Seed’s “To Save a Life Series.” Go to www.outreach.com for more information.
Sermon – God Gave us a Mouth and Two Ears – Be Careful How You Use Them.
John 9:1-7 – First sermon in series – To Strengthen a Family
September 26, 2010
Jim Whittaker
I have learned a form of communication that I call “Fast Talk.” Not everyone can speak fast talk. Not everyone can understand fast talk. Fast talk is like you are speaking and you hit fast forward to get to the next point. Sometimes transitions in the conversation are missing. You may think I am talking about subject A when I have done moved onto B and soon to be C. My daughter understands fast talk. That is the ability to know the subject has changed without warning or transition and then have the ability to make sense out of it – this is the ability to follow the flow when there appears to be absolutely no flow to the conversation. Her brain is wired so that she can make sense out of the chaos. When she was living at home, and Dianna would tell me what you just said makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, Laura would say I understood it. Laura does not live at home now. I have no one to defend my incoherent conversations. I have had to learn not to launch a rocket to the next planet before we have completely explored this one. Counselors across the nation agree that 80% of the problems caused in relationships has to do with communication. God gave us two ears and one mouth, which makes me believe it must be as twice as hard to hear what someone says as to actually talk yourself.
Today we are beginning a sermon series designed by Hal Seed to help us strengthen our family and relationships of all types. We have had the opportunity to watch a movie where we saw a teenager who became more and more excluded from his friends. He didn’t run home and tell his parents that no one was communicating with him. I can picture this youth standing up and yelling at to the top of his lungs, “no one really knows me!” He was wanting to be known. We are hard wired by God to be relationship. God himself demonstrates an eternal relationship with the Trinity – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. There is a God given yearning to be understood by other human beings. That is a part of being known.
Communication is the key to good relationships (John 9:1-11)
<<>>> - Going to Church
In this video, it is evident that there is a lack of communication. Jake is not a church goer. His family does not go to church. On this day, he is going to church because the youth director reached out to him and listened to him. Later, there are communication issues with Jake’s girlfriend. The movie starts with the lack of communication between Jake and his childhood friend. The other thing we might need to note is that it takes time to get to know someone. Let us look at John chapter 9 and observe the communication that is going on.
1. The disciple’s communication is blaming. Now to be fair to the disciples, back in those days if there was a physical disability, people believed someone must have sinned for that to happen so when we see the disciples playing the blame game, they were just getting caught up in the conversations of their culture. Who sinned the parents or this man? If this man is the one who sinned, he would have sinned in the womb, and there were theologians stating that was the case. We need to ask the question – did blaming the parents or the man for a sin really move them to truly understanding the man as a person? No. Blaming language moves the problem to the person and away from ourselves. Blaming someone for their problem is certainly the opposite of compassion. The disciples did not communicate to this man because they saw him as a problem.
2. The neighbor’s communication is unbelieving. Now what is even more bewildering than the disciple is his neighbors. They act like they don’t even know him. The question has to be asked had they ever seen their neighbor or did they ever wonder about the blind man on the street begging if he was their neighbor. How can you communicate with someone if you don’t know them? What do you say? His neighbors were asking, who is this man? I have never seen him before. You have to spend time to get to know someone.
Author Tim Hansel suggests that if you’re married, you should spend at least 15 minutes a day communicating with your spouse. If this seems like a challenge, Dr. Willard Harley suggests if you’re married, you should spend at least 15 hours a week communicating with your spouse. This is how much time you spent while courting them, so if you’re going to stay in love, you have to do the things that made you fall in love in the first place. (From Hal Seed – Sermon #1 on the “To Save a Family” series).
We have everything working against us in today’s society. We are busy. We might should say we are too busy. You can’t get to know someone if you are too busy. We have ipods and TVs in cars so we don’t get bored on the trip. The neighbors did not know the blind man because they had spent no effort to get to know him so they didn’t even recognize him.
3. Jesus’ communication is healing. Now in comparison, let us look at Jesus and his interaction. First, Jesus saw the man. You can’t communicate if you can’t see. It is a reminder to us that we are blinded to real people in our society because either we do not want to see them or do not want to take the time to see them. So this is different than the blind man’s neighbors. Jesus as well did not see the man as a problem as the disciples. He saw a man who needed to be known. Who was hurting and looking for compassion. He saw a man that desired to be healed not just physically but spiritually. Jesus saw this person as a person with real needs. He wasn’t an object. He wasn’t a problem. He was a person that wanted to be known by others.
Strong Family Members…
1. Pay the Price to Pay Attention to Each Other.
This is both easy and hard to do. I read once that when Franklin D. Roosevelt was president, he got tired of smiling that big smile of his and saying the usual things at all those White House receptions, so one evening he decided to find out whether anybody was really paying attention to him. At the next reception, as each person came up to him with an extended hand, he flashed his big smile and said, “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” People would automatically respond with comments like, “How nice!” Or, “Just keep up the great work you’re doing.” Nobody listened to what he was saying, except one foreign diplomat. When the President said to him, “I murdered my grandmother this morning,” the diplomat responded softly, “I’m sure she had it coming to her.” (From Hal Seed).
Dianna and I did our best communicating when we walked in Cary. Many times, we would not even begin to take a walk in our neighborhood to 9pm which was good in the summer and bad in the winter. We have struggled to find a replacement to that time walking and talking. We recently joined a gym to try to force us to exercise. It’s not quite the same as what we had done before but it helps. Sometimes it just takes time away. One recent Saturday, Dianna and I went to Stone Mountain, NC. We didn’t get away until lunch time which was less than ideal, but we went anyway. I had to study the sermon both coming and going, but on the 2.5 mile trail to the top of the mountain, it was just us in God’s good creation. We sat on top of that big rocky top for a half hour just taking it in and enjoying each other’s presence. It takes time to know someone. Take the time this week to pay attention to the ones that are important in your life.
This leads me to a second key to communication:
Strong Family Members…
2. Ask Great Questions.
The whole scene in John 9 begins with the question of who sinned? Jesus said neither, but this man was born to give glory unto God. Jesus used some great question in the book of John. Two potential disciples were following Jesus, he is blunt and to the point – “what are your looking for?” Questions spawn great conversations. In the NIV translation, the woman at the well story in John 4:7 begins by Jesus asking “will you give me water?” In John 5:6 Jesus speaks to the point as well, “do you want to be made well?” In John 9 though the scriptures do not form it this way, there is kind of a question lurking in the background. Are you willing to be healed? Do you have the faith to demonstrate it in actions? In any case, this man receives his sight as a miracle working of Jesus. Now his neighbors have plenty of questions. Aren’t you the blind beggar, how is it that you see? Then how were your eyes opened? Now that is a great question. Later on in Chapter 9, Jesus asks one of the greatest questions of all in vs. 35, “do you believe in the Son of Man?” This was followed by another great question, “and who is he sir?”
Questions get us in touch with our feelings. When we are communicating at the level of emotions is where we get to what is really going on in our life, to who we really are, and to the point of allowing ourselves to truly be known.
There are questions on the back of the sermon insert to help in this process. In John ch. 9, we find Jesus responding to a blind man because he understood his felt need. We aren’t as good as Jesus, and we need help. Questions will help in this process. Just a simple question like how do you feel? What is going on? These can make a huge difference in our communicating.
So let’s talk about really communicating for a minute. Write this down. There are five levels of communication.
1. Facts — It sure is dry. (This doesn’t really connect us. It is conversation starter).
2. Events — “Duke lost again yesterday.” (Might connect some Duke fans, but it is a conversation starter).
3. People — “Susie just had a facelift.” (That could stir up some conversation.) “John hates Republicans.” “Bill got a new job.” These are much more engaging.
4. Ideas — “I believe that Jesus Christ is God’s Son and Savior of the world.” Say that to someone, and suddenly you’re sharing some very stimulating material. The conversation can go deep or it can get heated, but ideas are exchanged and we share much more of ourselves in it.
5. Feelings — “I’m hurt today.” “I’m tired.” “I’m happy, bored, jealous, excited.” This is where we live. This is where it gets deep.
When Jesus ministered unto people he ministered at the level of feelings.
There’s a third strength possessed by strong family members.
Strong Family Members…
3. Know That Loving Means Listening. God gave us all two ears and one mouth, because we should do twice as much listening as we do speaking. One of the greatest verses on the family in the entire Bible is James 1:19, which says, My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry... (James 1:19)
A story: “Hello, Ma?” she said.
“Shirley darling, what’s the problem?”
“Oh Ma, I don’t know where to begin. Both of the kids are sick with the flu. The refrigerator just broke. The sink is leaking. In two hours, my Hadassah group is coming here for lunch. What am I going to do?”
“Shirley, darling, don’t worry. I’m going to get on a bus and go into the city. Then I’ll take the train out of Long Island. Then I’ll walk the two miles from the station to your house. I’ll take care of the kids, I’ll cook a nice lunch for the Hadassah ladies, and I’ll even make dinner for Barry.”
“Barry? Who’s Barry?”
“Barry—your husband.”
“But Ma, my husband’s name is Steve. Is this 536-3035?”
“No, this is 536-3036.”
Long pause, then, “Does that mean you’re not coming?”
Do you think the blind man was wondering if anyone was listening? He kept saying I am the blind man. When the Pharisees found out, they brought in his mom and dad and asked him was he born blind. Who is this guy everyone was asking. Only Jesus seemed to really understand who he was and what his need was.
Strong Family Members…
4. Communicate Love Through Touch.
Years ago, in a classic work called Peoplemaking, psychologist Virginia Satir said that it takes eight meaningful touches a day to maintain mental health, and 12 touches a day to grow.
It is noteworthy that Jesus touched this man. How long had it been since someone had touched him, and shown care for him?
I am giving a homework assignment for this week:
I’m going to suggest some things to you today as we begin working on improving the quality of our families. Write these down somewhere and think of them as your…
Family Assignment:
1. Develop a habit of touching with your family. Touch first thing in the morning, touch before you leave the house, touch when you get home. That’s three. To get to eight, you’re going to have to go deeper. To get to 12, well, unless you’re planning to count petting the cat, you’ve got some work to do. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just a touch.
2. Spend some time paying attention to every member of the family each day. It won’t always be possible, but try for a few one-on-one minutes. How about starting with 60 seconds per day? Could you do that? If it’s more than you’re doing now, it’s moving forward. Whatever you do, try to take a step forward.
3. Ask at least one good question every day. Become an expert at this. Then, after you ask your question…
4. Listen quickly and speak slowly.
5. Every Sunday, ask every member of your family, “What did you learn today?” And then really listen to the answer.
Conclusion:
We have talked about Jesus in relationship with his disciples and Jesus in relationship with others. God created us to be in relationship with each other. We found a story today where it seemed that everyone misunderstood the blind man, but Jesus saw his real need. I end by asking the question that Jesus asked the blind man. “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
Amen.
Parts of this ermon & illustrations take from Hal see in his series on "To Save a Family."
Strong Families Leave a Legacy
Psalm 78:1-7
From the “To Save a Life Series” by Hal Seed
Given by Jim Whittaker
In 1829, a British scientist by the name of James Lewis Macie Smithson left a legacy like few others in history. Smithson was childless, so his will stipulated that everything he had would go to his nephew, Henry Hungerford. However, if Hungerford died without heirs, the fortune would go to the United States to establish an institution in Washington, D.C., dedicated to “the increase and diffusion of knowledge.” Hungerford died six years later without progeny in 1835, and the U.S. government used the money to establish The Smithsonian Institute, arguably one of the wisest expenditures in history.Without ever knowing it, James Smithson left one of the greatest legacies of modern times.
I want to encourage you today to think about a legacy to a generation.
When He was 30 years old, Jesus intentionally approached 12 younger men—all between the ages of 14 and 20 years old—and invited them to follow Him so they could become like Him. And they did. Jesus Christ, who never raised a child of His own, did more to influence future generations than any other human being, because He purposed to leave a legacy in the generation after His own.
Our text for today, could easily be called The Psalm of the Next Generation.”
Read v. 6 out loud with me, would you?
…so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children (Psalm 78:6).
It’s a generational commission.
In the movie we’ve been exploring together, Jake Taylor comes to a place in his life where he’s not sure what he wants to believe and doesn’t know which way to turn. Instead of seeking counsel from his parents, he goes to Chris, a man who has reached out to him, and asks him for advice. In our small groups this week, we watched a video where Jake asks the youth director, “why are there so many fakers” in the youth group. Jake had seen the preacher’s son live a very cynical life. He had seen others in the youth group smoke Marijuana. In other words, Jake had seen people in the youth group live a life that was not consistent with what it means to live a Christian life. The youth director says “I don’t know why some people settle” meaning to live a life that is not consistent with the Christian faith. Jake said if I move in this direction of Christian faith, I am “not going to settle.” Jake got it. We are to live a life to make a difference.
I remember asking my youth director what if this whole faith thing is not real and I commit my life to something that is not real. His words changed my life. He said, what if it isn’t real what will you miss? A few drunken parties? Your life will be better than it would have been other wise, but what if it is real, what will you gain? Eternal life.
What mentors have you had in your faith life? I mentioned in the midweek Esermon, my grandparents. When Dianna and I attended our first church as a couple in a new town with no family, Ralph, a home missionary teaching Christ in the schools of Kentucky, had me teaching Sunday School to the old folks at age 20. I could count numerous pastors as mentors: Jack and Jim Bailey, I could count just godly people in the congregation such as Gene McCune. I can count a number of pastors that was close to me who have gone on to be with the Lord such as Sam McMillian, and Whit Warren. I can count my own Sunday School class members who were growing in the faith as I grew in the faith such as Barbara and Steve. The fact is we are mentoring the faith to each other and to the next generation.
First of all, if you are going to influence the next generation, you’ve got to…
1. Play your part in your own generation.
Serving in your generation will give you the credibility you need to be listened to by the next generation.
The Bible says that from one man he [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live (Acts 17:26).
Did you know that you are living in the exact time and the exact place God wanted you to? He wants to use you here and now. God has a plan for you among your peers.
The Bible says, When David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep… (Acts 13:36).
Our primary calling is to our own generation. Job No. 1 is to influence your peers. But that’s not enough. I love what the writer of Psalm 71 says: Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation (Psalm 71:18).
Do you see what he’s saying? “God, don’t let me die before I pass on the faith to the next generation.”
2. Care about the next generation.
Another hero you may have never heard of was Charles Simeon. Charles Simeon was called to pastor Holy Trinity Church in Cambridge, England, in 1782. Back then, each of the pews had a little door on it. Wealthy members of the church would buy their own pews. Most of the members of the church so strongly disliked Charles Simeon that, on Sunday mornings, they would arrive at church 15 minutes early; lock the door to their pew, and leave.
But the students of Cambridge loved Simeon. They came and stood in the aisles to listen to him. For seven years he packed the aisles with college students before the older generation began to come and sit in their pews.
Simeon started inviting these students to his house every Friday night. They would have tea, and then he would teach them well into the night, answering their questions about God and ministry until midnight. By the time of his death, approximately one-third of the ministers of England were men who had been influenced by Charles Simeon.
That’s why we have a nursery. That’s why we have Sunday School. That’s why we have a children’s and youth group and that’s why we are about to begin confirmation class. That’s why we want to get our 20 and 30 year olds involved in leading in our church.
It was a 65 year old man (Ralph) who led me to teach Sunday School at age 20. I told him what can I teach all of the old people. He told me we want to hear about the Bible from a perspective of a young person. I seriously doubt that I taught that older adult class anything, but they all smiled at me and encouraged me to teach. They knew they were passing the faith on to a younger generation.
If you want to influence the next generation, you must care about the next generation. Once you care about the next generation, then…
3. Teach a few (in the next generation).
Teach a few of them. Most of us won’t be able to take on over a hundred like a pastors, or 35 as a youth director, but if we care, we’ll find a way to teach a few.
Psalm 145 says, One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts (Psalm 145:4).
In my opinion, one of the greatest leaders in American history is a lady you’ve probably never heard of. Her name was Henrietta Mears.
Henrietta Mears loved the next generation, so she became a Sunday school teacher. She loved the next generation so much, she assumed the leadership of her entire church’s Sunday school program. From there, for the next 35 years, she taught a generation of amazing men and women. She taught Bill Bright, who founded Campus Crusade for Christ, the largest missions group in the world today. She founded Forest Home, the largest Christian camp in southern California. While at Forest Home, Billy Graham made a decision to become a minister. She influenced the founder of Young Life, the largest high school ministry in the country. Her careful teaching influenced more than 400 young adults to enter full-time Christian ministry, and hundreds of others to become world-class businessmen, artists and educators.
Henrietta Mears believed that every man and woman, every boy and girl, “must feel that there is a task for them to do, that there is a place marked X for every person in God’s Kingdom. Here is my X, no one can stand in this place but me. I must help others to find their places”
(Dream Big: The Henrietta Mears Story, p. 191).
Most of us won’t be able to do that. But if we are going to influence even some in the next generation, besides serving ours and caring about the next and teaching a few, we need to…
4. Invest in two or three.
God is blessing us in this place. We are touching more people for Christ than ever before. Yet, this is only possible because of the faithfulness and dedication of people that have already gone on to be with the Lord, some are homebound, and some are here. These are people who have sacrificed deeply for this church and invested in this generation. They knew if they were faithful, God would bless this church. They knew if they invested in their young people that some day they would be leaders in this church.
They passed the baton. That means they passed on the faith and leadership of the church to the next generation. This is our time. Some have already passed on the baton. We are carrying the baton now and soon the younger generation will take hold of that baton to carry the faith to the next generation. We cannot afford to drop the baton.
During the last Olympics, the U.S. men’s 400-meter relay team looked like they could win the gold or silver medal. Our first runner had done well, and our second one had done well. But when the exchange came between the third and fourth runner, Darvis Patten and Tyson Gay, do you remember what happened? One of them dropped the baton, and we came home without a medal. The team was disqualified.
The next day, all our hopes rested on the women’s 400 relay team. Do you remember what happened to them?
Same thing.
Dropping batons happens a lot in sports. Let’s not let it happen in our church.
Serve, Care, teach, invest. This is the key to the influencing the next generation. Let us not drop the baton. Where is God calling you to step up today.
Amen.
From the “To Save a Life Sermon Series.”
www.halseed.com
Sermon – The Benefits of Faith
Hebrews 11:1-3; 12:1-2
Jim Whittaker
October 24, 2010
Look in a dictionary, and you’ll find this definition of faith: A confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of another person.
Dianna and I went to Grandfather Mountain a few years back. Walking out on the bridge to the point to get the view was nice, but there was still a mountain behind us so we took the trail. It was a different type of trail and a few times we used ladders to climb rock faces. We made it finally to the very top of the mountain. It was tricky. You climbed to the top of the ladder. Reached up and put your hands on a guy wire. You moved yourself from the ladder to a rock ledge. You then walked along the ledge while holding the guy wire to get yourself in position to pull yourself up to the top of the cliff. It was a little difficult. I did it and I could tell the view was going to be incredible. I told Dianna. OK your turn. Dianna said, “I can’t do it.” Panic starting going all over me. I said, “but just this one little bit more and we are on top of the mountain.” Dianna said, “I can’t do it.” I realized I needed to encourage her. “Of course you can, I will give you my hand and pull you up.” After a lot of coaxing, Dianna walked across the ledge. I don’t think you would die if you fell, but it wouldn’t be good. There comes times in our life when we have to let go of the known, the safe thing, and take a step of faith or even a leap of faith to move us to a new destination. Remember faith is confidence in the truth, a value, or a person. Dianna grabbed my hand. “I still don’t think I can do it,” she said. I assured her I would not let go no matter what. In a moment of faith and with nothing between her and falling off a cliff but a husband’s hand she jumped into the world of the unknown with the hopes and dreams of a better destination. The view was absolutely incredible. We had someone take our picture because we felt we truly were on the top of the world. That incredible experience though was only possible because of faith. Without faith, we would have climbed to the edge of glory and failed our journey. With faith, we were redeemed and truly set free to see I believe one of best views in eastern North America.
Faith is a confident belief in the trustworthiness of God, that He is with you, that He is able to hold your hand and lift you to a higher place, that He exists and wants to guide your life. This is not a typical 3 point sermon. I want to overwhelm you with the benefits of having faith in Christ. You won’t remember all of these so get out your pen and the sermon outline. We are going to quickly cover the 15 benefits of faith. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones we will use.
What happens when you come to faith in Christ?
First thing, instantaneously:
1. You get forgiven. You get your mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual slate washed clean.
The Bible says, All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name (Acts 10:43).
Do you know what forgiveness is? It means getting a clean slate on the outside and a sense of peace on the inside. People with faith have forgiveness.
2. You get a new life.
The Bible says, …if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Don’t you love it in a computer game when you reach a new level or stumble on a treasure stash, or your little avatar gets a new life? People of faith get a brand-new life not in some virtual world, but in the real world. They get to walk away from all the junk they’ve stored up and live a whole new life freed from its weight. That benefit alone is worth it, wouldn’t you agree?
But besides forgiveness and new life, when people like Jake and people like us express faith in Christ for the very first time…
3. You get a new way of seeing.
There’s a famous story in the New Testament where Jesus heals a blind man. There’s a lot of confusion in the neighborhood about what’s really happened. But the formerly blind guy clears it all up when he announces, “You all can think whatever you want, but…“One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” (John 9:25)
One time in the Old Testament, a pagan, foreign general was healed of leprosy by the words of a prophet of Israel. This general, whose name was Naaman, says to everyone around him, “Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel” (2 Kings 5:15).
When a person has faith, they see the world differently. They start to see the world through the lenses of a God who is there, who cares, who has plans and dreams, and who makes promises to His children.
4. You get a new set of values.
When the Holy Spirit comes into a person’s life at their invitation after their expression of faith, they begin to care about things that they never thought about caring about before.
When Jesus was asked how His people should live, He said they should ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39).
So people of faith find themselves loving God and loving people, which is often a new orientation to the direction of their life.
5. You get a new sense of purpose.
This is why I love meeting with people who have just recently come to Christ. The Bible says, …we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Usually, new believers haven’t figured out exactly what those good works look like for them yet, but they’re excited about finding out.
And I love showing them Matthew 4:19, where Jesus says, “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men”(Matthew 4:19).
I love showing this verse, because often I get to see the lights go on. “Fishers of men? What’s that?” Well, the first men Jesus said that to were professional fishermen. What Jesus was saying to them was, “From now on, I want to give you a bigger, more fulfilling challenge. From now on, I want you to join me in catching men, in helping others come to faith just like you came to faith. If you think it’s exhilarating pulling in a wide-mouth bass, just wait until you get to see someone you love discover that God loves them and wants to have an eternal relationship with them!”
6. You get a supernatural guide for life.
“…when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
The Spirit of truth is the Holy Spirit who enters a person’s life quietly and permanently when they express their faith in Christ for the first time. This Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity. He is fully God—eternal, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-caring, all-wise, and all-willing to guide you in making not just better decisions, but the best decisions you can possibly make.
Maybe most importantly, when you come to faith…
7. You get set free from sin.
You know how certain things just seem impossible to resist? The Bible boldly announces that, for all Christ followers, You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:18). Since greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world, you don’t have to sin any longer. How’s that?
We’re not even halfway through! So far, I’ve given all the benefits of faith with the help of Scripture and personal experience. Here’s one directly from the annals of science.
For the last several years, scientists have been discovering that when you get faith…
8. You get the potential for better health.
Here’s just one example: Dr. Thomas Oxman of Dartmouth Medical School in New Hampshire did a study to discover what role religion might play in the health and recovery of elderly people. He took 232 patients more than 55 years of age who had open-heart surgery. Oxman found that those who derive at least some strength and comfort from their religious faith are three times more likely to survive than those who don't. You can check out his research at http://www.mindpub.com/art142.htm
Along with better health, scientists are discovering that with faith…
9. You get the potential for longer life.
Neil MacQueen cites studies by Duke University, Indiana University, The University of Michigan, The Center for Disease Control, Barna Research Group, and the National Institute for Healthcare Research which conclude that faith will increase the average life expectancy of your children by eight years. www.Sundaysoftware.com/stats.htm
If science isn’t enough for you, God hints at this as well. Moses said to the people in the Old Testament: “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess” (Deuteronomy 32:46-47).
All these things are wonderful, but this is a family series, so are you wondering when I’ll get around to family benefits?
Here’s one. When you express faith in Christ…
10. You get to be part of God’s extended family (with all the benefits).
God says that...as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers (Galatians 6:10).
So God not only draws us into His family, but He tells all our new brothers and sisters to make doing good to us one of their top priorities.
In addition, God says we should…
Serve one another (Galatians 5:13).
Be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10).
Instruct one another (Romans 15:14).
11. You get God’s provision (if you obey God’s commands).
He says in Proverbs 3:9-10 that when you…Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine (Proverbs 3:9-10).
This is not a promise to pagans; it’s a promise to the faithful, to those who are part of the faith. This is why I am so hopeful that all of us in this room will be part of the faithful from now on, even if we’ve never been before.
If this isn’t enough, here’s one that might be worth all the rest:
12. You get a home in heaven.
Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places. If it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you so that where I am, you may be also” (John 14:1-3). It’s the promise He made to all the faithful: a home in heaven.
13. You get release from the fear of death.
It’s the No. 1 fear for most Americans. The Bible says, …by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death (Hebrews 2:15).
If you know Jesus, you don’t have to fear death, which is why Paul says in a taunting voice: Where, O death, is your sting? (1 Corinthians 15:55) If he were saying this now, he’d probably say something like, “Bring it on!”
14. You become able to please God.
The Bible says, …without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6).
And finally, when you get faith:
15. You get the promise of never being separated from Him.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).
Look at this list, friends. It’s only a partial list. But where can you get a better deal than that?
From a practical standpoint, we are going to take a historical look at faith on a family. Several years ago, Al Sanders did a study of the descendants of one Jonathan Edwards. Edwards was a Christian who lived in New England from 1703 to 1758, before America became its own nation. Edwards lived by faith.
Sanders contrasted what happened to the descendants of Jonathan Edwards to those of Max Jukes, who was a hunter and fisher and had little interest in God, but lived at about the same time. (I quote from Al Sanders in Crisis in Morality!)
“Max Juke…married an ungodly girl, and from the union there were 310 [children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc.] who died as paupers, 150 criminals, seven murderers, 100 drunkards, and more than half of the women [of the family] were prostitutes. His 540 descendants cost the State one and a quarter million dollars.
"But [this principle of faith and no-faith]… works both ways! There is a record of a great American man of God, Jonathan Edwards. He lived at the same time as Max Juke, but he married a godly girl. An investigation was made of 1,394 known descendants of Jonathan Edwards, of which 13 became college presidents, 65 college professors, three United States senators, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 preachers and missionaries, 60 authors of prominence, one vice-president of the United States, 80 public officials in other capacities, and 295 college graduates, among whom were governors of states and ministers to foreign countries. His descendants did not cost the state a single penny.
Now that is faith from a just a practical standpoint. This is beside the point that our souls our saved from the wrath of God and we instead have an eternity to live in God’s reign or kingdom. Isn’t this worth passing on to our children? Let’s be sure we understand how we get faith.
How do you get faith?
1. You make a calculated decision to believe.
…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… (Joshua 24:15).
To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12).
2. You verbalize your faith.
…if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9).
3. You live by faith.
We live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness (Colossians 2:6-7).
You live with Christ as the center of your life, the most important person in your life. His agenda becomes your agenda. His hopes become your hopes. His plans and purpose and values become yours. All this enables you to become the person God has created you to be. We are living in the kingdom of God when God reigns in our heart. Do you have this faith? Amen.
This sermon is derived from Hal Seed’s Sermon Series “To Save a Life,” which can be purchased from www.outreach.com as part of the Church kit. We have purchased the community movie license, the church kit, the small group kits, and the leader kits. This material is copyrighted and should not be copied without the approval of www.outreach.com.
Forgiveness Family Style
Strengthening the Family: Sermon #4
Pentecost 21C; October 17, 2010
Jim Whittaker
Luke 17.1-4
17Jesus said to his disciples, “Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to anyone by whom they come! 2It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. 3Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. 4And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”
Our text for today is not a part of our lectionary readings. Sometimes, texts are difficult. This is one. There is a strong rebuke to anyone that does not build children up, and there is also a strong command to forgive for an unlimited time if there is genuine repentance. What are we to do with such texts?
Use them and apply them. These texts are designed to sand down or to cut off the rough edges of our lives. These texts intend to move us to be the best child of God that we can be. They are not encouraging us to commit suicide if we fail. These texts are encouraging us to take seriously our call to raise children and our call to forgive. I chose this text for this reason. Family and forgiveness are both the subject. This is a tough work that God has called us to do. It is the work of forgiveness.
When Dianna and I were racing sailboats, it was critical that the bottom of the boat was slick. Since we didn’t leave our boat in the water, we didn’t have barnacles, but we still wanted it smooth. I wet sanded the bottom using a higher grade of sandpaper making it up to 400 and even 600. After that, I sprayed the bottom of the boat with silicone. We were intending for fast and smooth. There were no obstacles. There were no hindrances. Making things smooth, that is the work of forgiveness.
Great family members forgive.
Great family members get forgiven.
Great family members forgive themselves.
In the movie To Save A Life, just about every character does something that requires forgiveness. Jake Taylor’s dad cheats on his mom. That’s going to require some major forgiveness. Jake ignores his friend Roger when he needs him most. That’s going to require some forgiveness. Roger’s mother doesn’t notice the pain her son is in, a pain so deep he takes his own life. That’s certainly going to require some self-forgiveness.
Let’s start with Jake and his dad. Few sins are harder to forgive than the sin of unfaithfulness. This transgression against the trust and soul of another is so painful that it’s actually one of two conditions under which the Bible says a person is allowed to seek divorce (Matt. 19:9). So Mrs. Taylor has a choice: She can forgive and reconcile, or she can divorce and deal with all the issues that come with it.
It comes down to this, either forgive or to not forgive. While we cannot ignore the hurt in the family in this situation, Christ gives us a model to follow. Forgiveness is who we are as Christians. Now I have said this before, and I will say it again, just because we forgive someone they do not have the right to abuse us again. The scriptures are also clear. We are to forgive because they have repented. That means changed their ways. An abused woman or child should not go back into an abusive situation to get hurt again. There is supposed to be change to forgiving someone. While the Bible tells us to forgive because Christ first forgave you, Christ also expects us to repent and to grow more Christ like. Let’s take the flip side of forgiving. Let’s say that Jake refuses to forgive his father. It is 40 years later, and he still hasn’t forgiven him. That’s not healthy so we are going to explore our motivation to forgive.
1. They find the motivation to forgive.
The Bible says, Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13, TNIV). This is not easy to do, so it can help to go through a mental exercise to walk yourself up the motivation trail. Think through the following:
A. I don’t want to give Satan a foothold in my life. When I harbor anger against a friend or family member, it gives the devil a weak spot where he can drill deep into me. I don’t want him anywhere near my life. So I want to forgive.
B. I want peace in my life, not bitterness. When I refuse to forgive someone, I suffer far more than they do, because they’re not the ones thinking about what’s wrong between us—I am. They’re not the one whose blood pressure is elevated—mine is. They’re not the one who lies awake at night replaying the hurt—I am.
C. I’m not perfect.
I may not have committed the offense they have, but there are things I need forgiveness for. And if I want to be forgiven, I know I must be a forgiving person.
Thinking through these three ideas will lead most of us to conclude, “I should do my best to forgive.” But there’s one final thought that usually tips the scale:
D. Christ forgave me.
For anyone who has experienced the deep, full, freeing forgiveness of Jesus, gratitude overcomes emotions, and the decision to forgive gets made.
So after generating the motivation to forgive, great family members take the action necessary.
2. They say the words. If the three most powerful words in the world are “I love you,” the three most restorative words are “I forgive you.”
You know the funny thing about this? When I say “I forgive you” and really mean it, not only is there a weight lifted off you, but usually there’s an even bigger weight lifted off me. And there’s usually an invisible barrier between us that dissolves, and we gain the freedom to feel and act normal around each other again.
For some of us, saying those three words is a real hurdle. So practice it with me right now. Just say it out loud with me: I forgive you.
Pronouncing the words isn’t difficult, but releasing the feelings often is, so let’s take the practice a little further. Imagine the person who is really irritating you these days. Picture them in your mind and say the words again: I forgive you.
3. They say the words again. And again. And again. It’s like clenching your fist and then releasing it. If you’re used to tightening your fingers around something for a long time, they get used to closing up, which means you’ve got to open them intentionally over and over again to loosen them. The internal dialogue often goes like this: “I thought I forgave that person. I’m sure I did. But I’m feeling resentment again, so I guess I’m going to have to make the choice and say the words again: I forgive you.”
While that process of forgiving and reforgiving is going on, you can begin working on the relationship on another level.
4. They work toward rebuilding trust.
Here’s a reality of forgiveness that you might not know:
Forgiveness must be granted. It can’t be earned. So you have to make the choice and voice the words. But trust can’t be granted. It must be earned.
You’ve heard the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” When someone establishes a pattern of untrustworthy behavior, you don’t trust them. It wouldn’t make sense. So, when a repeat offender wants to be forgiven, you grant forgiveness. And if they want to restore the relationship, then you set up a system by which they can prove that they really have changed.
If a formerly alcoholic wife is going to be out later than she expected, her husband will assume that she’s out drinking—it’s only natural that he would think that. So the rule is, “Before I go anywhere for longer than 15 minutes, I will let you know where I will be and how long I will be there. If I’m not where I said I would be when I said I would be there, I will call with a verifiable reason for being late. I will do this for the next two to three years, so I can earn back your trust. I want you to be able to trust me, and I know you can’t unless I prove myself.”
If Jake’s dad wants Jake’s mom or Jake himself to trust him again, he must set up a system by which they can know for sure that he’s not out fooling around with someone else. Forgiveness is granted, but trust is earned.
C.S. Lewis once said to a friend,
Last week, while at prayer, I suddenly discovered—or felt as if I did—that I had forgiven someone I had been trying to forgive for over thirty years, trying and praying that I might. When the thing actually happened—sudden as the longed-for cessation of one’s neighbor’s radio—my feeling was, “But it’s so easy. Why didn’t I do it ages ago?” – C.S. Lewis[1]
How Family Members Get Forgiven
On Good Friday afternoon, when Jesus Christ was tethered to a cross on a Judean hillside, He looked down at the men who had put Him there and said, “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they are doing.” And then He looked up to heaven and said just one word:
TETELESTAI. The word means, “PAID IN FULL.” If a Greek merchant writes “tetelestai” across the bottom of your bill, it means you owe no more debt. It’s been forgiven.
Family members get forgiven by accepting what Christ has done for them.
Friends, Jesus’ payment for your sins on the Cross was the greatest gift you’ll ever receive. But you must receive it. He’s too much of a gentleman to force it on you. The Bible says your prerequisites for getting forgiven are: 1) Believe that you need forgiveness and 2), Receive the forgiveness that Jesus offers you by accepting His sin-payment on your behalf. Around here, many of us have prayed a simple prayer that goes like this: “Lord Jesus, I am a sinner in need of a Savior, and I invite you to be mine. Forgive me for the things I’ve done wrong and lead me now into ways that are right.”
If you prayed that prayer, let me show you something. Jesus once explained how delighted God is whenever someone prays a prayer like you just prayed. He said, There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents (Luke 15:10). This means that, right now, God and all His angels are giving high-fives and whooping it up over what has just happened to you.
And let me tell you what has just happened to you: You have had your sins—the very things that separated you from God—removed from your spiritual ledger. Psalm 103 says …as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12). That’s a long way, friend.
And that’s not all. When you open the door to Jesus, He comes in. So, right now, Jesus is living inside you by means of the Holy Spirit. And He will never leave you or forsake you.
Say this with me again:
Great family members forgive.
Great family members get forgiven. And finally,
Great family members forgive themselves.
How Family Members Forgive Themselves
Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do. Imagine Roger’s mother finding the strength to forgive herself for not understanding or responding to how much her son was hurting. More and more these days, I meet people who have Satan doing a number on them, convincing them they could never be forgiven, and they just keep feeling unworthy and remain unable to forgive themselves. So I want to take a few minutes and help you understand how to release the barnacles from your ship—even if the barnacles are you.
Look at this passage for a minute. One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
Here’s God’s promise to you, and here’s God’s process:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:8-9).
The encouraging thing about this passage is that it lets us know that everybody sins. Anybody who claims they haven’t or don’t is a liar. The even more encouraging thing is that when we confess, we get forgiven and purified.
Here’s the process:
1. Receive Christ’s forgiveness. Some of you did that for the first time today.
2. Confess what you’ve done wrong. The word “confess” simply means “to agree with.” Agree with God that what you did was wrong. And then…
3. Let it go. Forget what is behind by concentrating on what is ahead. Let it go. Just like you open your hand and let your bitterness go, open your hand and let your shame and regret and self-loathing go. If you’ve done Steps 1 and 2, God has let it go. Why hold onto it if Jesus has already let go of it?
Remember the process for forgiving others?
1. Get motivation.
2. Say the words.
3. Say them again.
Here’s your motivation: If you’ve confessed your sin, God has forgiven you. He’s purified you. He’s separated your sins from you as far as the east is from the west.
So here are the words: I forgive myself. Say this with me: I forgive myself. Now say it again: I forgive myself.
Colossians 2:13 says this: You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross (Colossians 2:13-14).
“He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.”
Amen.
[1] C.S. Lewis,
Letters to Malcolm
Sermon – Teach Your Children Well
Sermon #3 in Series – Strengthen Your Family; October 10, 2010
Jim Whittaker
I have been nominated for the Leadership Fellows program in the Academy for Leadership Excellence. I had to dust off the Strength Finders test that I had done a few years back. My top three strengths were belief, maximize, and learner. To summarize quickly, this would mean I believe what you believe matters. We should all want to be the best that God has called us to be, and we should be willing to learn from both our successes and our failures. It seems everyone is doing tests on their employees. I certainly have been through a lot of testing through the conference, but how do these things relate to raising a family. What is important to family?
My mother told me “we did the best we could with what we knew.” I have joked that we were trying to do better with our grandchildren. The bottom line is – it is difficult raising children. There was a political slogan some years back that said “it takes a village to raise a child,” and it is true. We all as a church have responsibilities in teaching children, but what is important to our family?
Last week-end, some of you probably met our son Andy and his wife Vicki. They were skinny. It might not surprise you then that they have become health nuts. Andy is running, biking, and swimming in triathlons. Vicki ran in a 5K race recently. They are really careful about what they eat. It might not surprise you then that Dianna and I used to shop at health food stores before the main grocery stores broadened their product line. Being healthy has always been important to us.
What you may not know about Andy is he has been tutoring Hispanic children in the English language through his church for about 3 years on a weekly basis. He has chosen to serve God in a way different perhaps than we did, but one that he finds very meaningful.
As I look at how he chooses to live I can see that there are some non-negotiables in his life: Faith is non-negotiable, going to church – non-negotiable, tithing – non-negotiable, praying – non-negotiable. Being a fan of Duke – I suppose that is negotiable, but you may need to ask him. I don’t mean for this to be bragging in any way. In fact, when it comes to raising children I am much more inclined to get on my knees and pray forgive me Lord that I wasn’t a better parent.
At one point, I felt that Dianna and I had gotten worn out with the trials of life and we were not living out our Christian faith in action with what I believe we felt in our heart. I felt that we had let our children down by not giving them the most consistent Christian witness that we could. We decided to raise the bar in how we lived out our Christian faith so that what we did was consistent with what we felt in our heart. I told Dianna, we cannot change the past, but we change the future. I wanted to be sure that my children understood there is nothing more important in your life than knowing Jesus as your Savior and then living that belief out every day.
We do not come arrogantly when it comes to children; instead, I come humbly before God when it comes to my children, knowing that it is only by God’s grace. I can also say it is no accident that there are non-negotiables in their life.
What are your non-negotiables of life?
Years ago I took an Old Testament class at a local Bible College in Ashland, Kentucky. Deuteronomy 6 :4 jumped out to me as a rule for life. When I first took Disciple Bible study in the Old Testament, I already had a name for this rule – the Shema. (as a footnote, if you haven’t taken Disciple I Bible Study, you need too). When I had Old Testament at Duke, I was ready to shout it’s praises. When I took a course from a Jewish Rabbi, and he taught us the prayer that Jews pray daily – Behold the Lord God is one – I said, glory hallelujah.
Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is our rule of life:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise (NRSV).
Step 1 – Love God
Loving God is a non-negotiable of life. This scripture begins with the acknowledgment that there is really only one God even though we may put many gods in our life. We are teach our children. We are to teach our neighbors. We are to teach our community. We are to teach the world – love God.
Moses instructed the people and later Jesus did the same – love God with all of your heart. This is personal. When someone has your heart, it changes how you do things. When someone has your heart, it changes your priorities. When someone has your heart, there are things you will not do because it will hurt the one who has your heart. When someone has your heart, there are things you must do, because it pleases the one who has your heart.
If God has my heart, church is non-negotiable, prayer is non-negotiable, reaching out to others is non-negotiable. The devil tried to steal Jesus’ heart. He will try to steal ours as well. The devil tried to get Jesus to misuse the power and the gifts he had been given. The devil wanted him to let his gifts benefit himself. Jesus came to benefit others.
To love God with all your soul is to love God with your very essence of who you are. I may not be able to love God the same way you can, but I can love God as he made me to love him. The key here is are we willing to give ourselves over to God completely and fully. Lastly, God says love me with all of your might or strength. Ever felt like you were too tired to go to church. God says worship me in your strength. Maybe we try to do too much, and then we do not have the strength to worship God.
Loving God is a non-negotiable of life.
Step 2 – Live for God
The scripture say that we are to “keep these words.” One thing is certainly clear, you cannot live the word if you are not in the word. If you haven’t read through the entire Bible yet, you need to start. If you are not having a devotion every day, today is your first day. If you have not been willing to learn from classes we have in the church, you need to change your attitude and get in a Sunday School class, small group, and I am certainly recommending the “Companions for Christ” study.
In John 14:26, Jesus says, “the Holy Spirit will remind you of all that I have said unto you.” If want the Holy Spirit to remind you of the word, you gotta get in the word. The first step for living for God is knowing the word. The second step is to take action in our life.
How did our children know they were to be giving people? Because, Dianna and I had worked at the NC Food Bank, build houses at Habitat, put roofs on houses where people couldn’t afford it, gave furniture to the poor, worked in cleanup for the flood, ate with the homeless, and we were very involved in a program that helped move people from the homeless to having a home. Part of our program was we ate with them as we each had to go through a training program.
We had even gone to Washington DC to protest the lack of housing for the poorest of our society. That’s how we did it. I don’t know for sure how you are going to do it though I have some ideas, but one thing here is non-negotiable – you are to live for God.
Step 3 – Train or Teach your children
Several years ago, my mother brought out a cassette tape she had made over 20 years ago. It was Laura and Andy singing the B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me. I stand alone on the word of God. The B-I-B-L-E. The BIBLE!
Dianna and I had noted that our grandchildren due to our daughter’s nursing schedule of working on week-ends and Bobby making now two tours to Iraq were not as knowledgeable as we thought they ought to be in the Bible. We thank God for the help this church has been in their Sunday School and with the Kids for the Kingdom program. They made substantial improvement in their understanding of God and salvation during the last couple of years.
Matthew asked me what was baptism? I told him that it was a gift of God of grace that Jesus died on the cross for us so that we could be made right with God. Our participation in baptism is a sign of our co-operation of what God has already done. We either get baptized as a baby signifying God has done all there is to do in salvation or baptized as we get older signifying that we are identifying ourselves as Christians and we are now marked as one of God’s children. All that God asks from us is to believe. Matthew said I already believe in Jesus and that he saved me. My friends, Sunday School and Kids for the Kingdom taught that too him. Dianna and I helped connect some dots for him.
Don’t underestimate the power of teaching our children the Bible stories. Statistics tell us that most people that are saved do so by age 16 and the vast majority certainly by age of 20. Teaching our children God’s word and the gospel story of salvation is a non-negotiable. The Bible says talk about your faith every chance you get. When you get up in the morning, when you lie down at night, during the day, when you travel, when you stay at home – on other words, everywhere and anywhere that you can.
Let’s take a Biblical example – Timothy
There is no doubt, Timothy was an apprentice of the faith to be one of perhaps many that took Paul’s place.
In 2 Timothy 1:5 he says, I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice… (2 Timothy 1:5).
A few chapters later he says, “Timothy, continue to model what was recited to you.” His exact words were, But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:14-17).
Love, live, teach – That’s it folks. This has been our rule of faith for our life. I was pleasantly surprised to see Hal Seed’s was the same. He called it his “template.” What is your non-negotiables of life? We can let a lot of things slide in life, but our faith is not one of them.
I am reminded of a quote by Martin Luther, and I quote: I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God.
I have a difficult time reading Martin Luther due to the aggressive talk of the times because of the conflict of the Protestant Reformation, but I admire him for his stand. Are you willing to stand for God even if it is not popular? Or even if it is not easy? It does take an effort to love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, and your might. It is a tough job raising children. We need the church’s help in training children, but don’t think there is nothing to do on your own end. We all begin at the same place.
We are to love God with all we have. May God bless us as we live for him. Amen.
Sermon #2 – Strengthen Your Family and Relationships - Fight Well
Various Scriptures
October 3, 2010; Pentecost 19C
Jim Whittaker
Dianna and I have been married for 34 years. That by no means is a testament of a perfect 34 years. It is a testimony of perseverance. Every relationship encounters miscommunication and misunderstandings. Sometimes, there is a strong difference in opinion. There has been plenty of compromising and negotiating along the way. Today’s topic seems like a strange one. It is titled – “Fight Well.” We are going through a sermon series titled to “Strengthen a Family.” We all want good families, and we all want good relationships that extend beyond our family. We want good relationships at church, and we want good relationships at those we work with or see every day.
We need to admit, we are sinners. The story of Adam and Eve in the garden and their disobedience reveals how sin entered the world. There are no perfect relationships. As Romans 3:23 says, “all have sinned.” But, Christians do not stay and live in sin. Yes, we are sinners, but as believers in Christ, we are the redeemed. We believe that God’s plan is to make us more holy as he is holy. We are a people witnessing to the redeeming act of God. What does our life say? Does our life witness to the redemption we claim in God. There is going to be differences of opinions. We all have different personalities. To put it in simple language, a fight is inevitable in relationships.
I recall a time when our children were about twelve, and they were spending the week with grandparents. Dianna and I were taking advantage of the kids being gone and painting their bedrooms. Somewhere along the way, Dianna and I starting arguing over how to raise our children. This was going no where. I remember Dianna saying this is what I feel is important. I also remember saying, but that is what I feel is important. We were sitting down and both of us fell back against the wall and thought – then what are we arguing about. We had spent 15 minutes of intense discussion, and we both were arguing for exactly the same thing. Our families used different methods to raise us. What we were arguing about was how we perceived to get to the end through the methods we were raised with. That was a watershed moment for me. Arguing though perhaps unavoidable as God’s fallen creatures, still can be a dangerous thing.
There is a story of a man who had his apartment broke into by firefighters who had been summoned by the smoke coming out of his apartment. What they found was his bed was smoldering and ready to break out into a fire. They asked him what happened. Why was the bed smoldering? He said, “he didn’t know. It was that way when he laid down.” Our reaction is are you crazy – no one lies down on a bed that is burning. Yet, arguments and fights can be just like that – lying down on a burning bed.
How can we fight well? How can it be honoring unto God?
I. Why is it hard to fight well? Fights occur because of our self-centered ways.
James 4:1-3 has some words of advice for us:
Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do thy not come from your cravings that are at war within you? You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder. And you covet something and cannot obtain it; so you engage in disputes and conflicts. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures.
A great question to ask is this – is this just about me? My concerns? Or, is there something bigger here? What are the concerns of the other person?
II. Why is it hard to fight well? Fighting mad makes us dumber.
James tells us that our own personal self- interests often over-ride common sense. Now here is a fact
proven by psychologists. When a person is mad, their I.Q. drops by 20 points.
Fighting while mad is dangerous.
Repeat this after me. I don’t want to hurt the people I love.
Repeat this after me: I will never fight while mad again.
III. Fighting God’s Way.
First, we have talked about what makes us fight bad – a preoccupation with our own self interest and fighting mad. So what does God’s word say that could help us? We are now going to turn to Philippians 2:3-4. This is a passage that encourages us to be like Christ.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.
Now let’s review. James says arguments are centered on our own self interests. Philippians says be like Christ and do not let your own selfish ambitions be your guide. Instead, consider that others opinions not only are valuable but perhaps even better than your own.
Scriptures are clearly telling us to put other’s first. That doesn’t mean the other person is always right. What it means is that we will seriously consider their feelings, and their concerns.
IV. Using the Fight Method.
There are some things that we do not have time to cover today like how the value of the issue and the value of the relationship effect the argument. We are going to quickly cover these points that will be covered in our small group meetings.
a. F- Figure out the issue.
b. I – Identify each person’s needs.
c. G – Generate solutions.
d. H – Have prayer together.
e. T – Take responsibility for solutions
In the movies, “To Save a Life,” Jake is the high school popular athlete that is dating Amy the popular cheerleader. They are at a party doing things they should not be doing when the police arrive. Everyone scatters. Amy says let’s go, and Jake delays. She thinks only of herself, takes his truck keys, and leaves. Now that Amy left Jake at the party by himself with the police arriving and Jake must find his own way of escape, when Amy calls him on his cell phone, he thinks only of himself, and will not answer, because she left him to fend for himself. They are not fighting well. They need to use the “Fight Method,” which should move them to look beyond their own self interests. It will be the next day when the disagreement escalates as each one blames the other for the fight. We can do better. If we claim Christ not only as Savior but also as Lord, we can do better.
V. Use Godly Principles
1. Take the initiative.
We have wars in the world, because we can’t get along. We fight politically, because we can’t get along. We are a people of reconciliation. In an argument, it doesn’t matter who did what. We are a people that claim redemption that is we are set free from the self centered interests that lead to sin. We are a people who have been commanded by God to carry on the ministry of reconciliation. We don’t have much of a message of making the world right with Christ, if we can get it right. II Cor. 5:18-19,
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their sin against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.
We are to be about making peace in the world. We are about showing forgiveness to others. We are about demonstrating the transformation that Christ brings to those who give their life to Christ. Surely then if that is who we are, we should take the initiative to resolve problems.
2. Talk to God before you talk to the person
Philippians 4:6 says, Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer sn supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. So Pray first. We are God’s people. We claim that God hears us. We claim that God answers our prayers. If that is so, should we not pray. Try praying right in the middle of an argument – talk about killing self interests.
3. Consider, that you may be the problem.
Matthew 7:3-5, Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?....You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
We have to consider the possibility that it is us that is the problem. We don’t want to hear it, but if we truly care for the other person, we need to ask the question. Is it I, O Lord? Am I the one who is betraying the Christian life.
4. Resolve rather than boil
Ephesians 4:26-27, Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
We are to learn to use godly principles, look out for the interests of others, and to make reconciliation who we are as God’s people. Use this, teach this, and learn some more in your small groups this week.
Be the people, God has called us to be. We have been set free from the sinful habits that the devil seeks to control us with. We have been redeemed by the blood of the lamb. Believe and live like you believe. Amen.
The Sermon Outline is part of Hal Seed’s “To Save a Life Series.” Go to www.outreach.com for more information.
Sermon – God Gave us a Mouth and Two Ears – Be Careful How You Use Them.
John 9:1-7 – First sermon in series – To Strengthen a Family
September 26, 2010
Jim Whittaker
I have learned a form of communication that I call “Fast Talk.” Not everyone can speak fast talk. Not everyone can understand fast talk. Fast talk is like you are speaking and you hit fast forward to get to the next point. Sometimes transitions in the conversation are missing. You may think I am talking about subject A when I have done moved onto B and soon to be C. My daughter understands fast talk. That is the ability to know the subject has changed without warning or transition and then have the ability to make sense out of it – this is the ability to follow the flow when there appears to be absolutely no flow to the conversation. Her brain is wired so that she can make sense out of the chaos. When she was living at home, and Dianna would tell me what you just said makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, Laura would say I understood it. Laura does not live at home now. I have no one to defend my incoherent conversations. I have had to learn not to launch a rocket to the next planet before we have completely explored this one. Counselors across the nation agree that 80% of the problems caused in relationships has to do with communication. God gave us two ears and one mouth, which makes me believe it must be as twice as hard to hear what someone says as to actually talk yourself.
Today we are beginning a sermon series designed by Hal Seed to help us strengthen our family and relationships of all types. We have had the opportunity to watch a movie where we saw a teenager who became more and more excluded from his friends. He didn’t run home and tell his parents that no one was communicating with him. I can picture this youth standing up and yelling at to the top of his lungs, “no one really knows me!” He was wanting to be known. We are hard wired by God to be relationship. God himself demonstrates an eternal relationship with the Trinity – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. There is a God given yearning to be understood by other human beings. That is a part of being known.
Communication is the key to good relationships (John 9:1-11)
<<>>> - Going to Church
In this video, it is evident that there is a lack of communication. Jake is not a church goer. His family does not go to church. On this day, he is going to church because the youth director reached out to him and listened to him. Later, there are communication issues with Jake’s girlfriend. The movie starts with the lack of communication between Jake and his childhood friend. The other thing we might need to note is that it takes time to get to know someone. Let us look at John chapter 9 and observe the communication that is going on.
1. The disciple’s communication is blaming. Now to be fair to the disciples, back in those days if there was a physical disability, people believed someone must have sinned for that to happen so when we see the disciples playing the blame game, they were just getting caught up in the conversations of their culture. Who sinned the parents or this man? If this man is the one who sinned, he would have sinned in the womb, and there were theologians stating that was the case. We need to ask the question – did blaming the parents or the man for a sin really move them to truly understanding the man as a person? No. Blaming language moves the problem to the person and away from ourselves. Blaming someone for their problem is certainly the opposite of compassion. The disciples did not communicate to this man because they saw him as a problem.
2. The neighbor’s communication is unbelieving. Now what is even more bewildering than the disciple is his neighbors. They act like they don’t even know him. The question has to be asked had they ever seen their neighbor or did they ever wonder about the blind man on the street begging if he was their neighbor. How can you communicate with someone if you don’t know them? What do you say? His neighbors were asking, who is this man? I have never seen him before. You have to spend time to get to know someone.
Author Tim Hansel suggests that if you’re married, you should spend at least 15 minutes a day communicating with your spouse. If this seems like a challenge, Dr. Willard Harley suggests if you’re married, you should spend at least 15 hours a week communicating with your spouse. This is how much time you spent while courting them, so if you’re going to stay in love, you have to do the things that made you fall in love in the first place. (From Hal Seed – Sermon #1 on the “To Save a Family” series).
We have everything working against us in today’s society. We are busy. We might should say we are too busy. You can’t get to know someone if you are too busy. We have ipods and TVs in cars so we don’t get bored on the trip. The neighbors did not know the blind man because they had spent no effort to get to know him so they didn’t even recognize him.
3. Jesus’ communication is healing. Now in comparison, let us look at Jesus and his interaction. First, Jesus saw the man. You can’t communicate if you can’t see. It is a reminder to us that we are blinded to real people in our society because either we do not want to see them or do not want to take the time to see them. So this is different than the blind man’s neighbors. Jesus as well did not see the man as a problem as the disciples. He saw a man who needed to be known. Who was hurting and looking for compassion. He saw a man that desired to be healed not just physically but spiritually. Jesus saw this person as a person with real needs. He wasn’t an object. He wasn’t a problem. He was a person that wanted to be known by others.
Strong Family Members…
1. Pay the Price to Pay Attention to Each Other.
This is both easy and hard to do. I read once that when Franklin D. Roosevelt was president, he got tired of smiling that big smile of his and saying the usual things at all those White House receptions, so one evening he decided to find out whether anybody was really paying attention to him. At the next reception, as each person came up to him with an extended hand, he flashed his big smile and said, “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” People would automatically respond with comments like, “How nice!” Or, “Just keep up the great work you’re doing.” Nobody listened to what he was saying, except one foreign diplomat. When the President said to him, “I murdered my grandmother this morning,” the diplomat responded softly, “I’m sure she had it coming to her.” (From Hal Seed).
Dianna and I did our best communicating when we walked in Cary. Many times, we would not even begin to take a walk in our neighborhood to 9pm which was good in the summer and bad in the winter. We have struggled to find a replacement to that time walking and talking. We recently joined a gym to try to force us to exercise. It’s not quite the same as what we had done before but it helps. Sometimes it just takes time away. One recent Saturday, Dianna and I went to Stone Mountain, NC. We didn’t get away until lunch time which was less than ideal, but we went anyway. I had to study the sermon both coming and going, but on the 2.5 mile trail to the top of the mountain, it was just us in God’s good creation. We sat on top of that big rocky top for a half hour just taking it in and enjoying each other’s presence. It takes time to know someone. Take the time this week to pay attention to the ones that are important in your life.
This leads me to a second key to communication:
Strong Family Members…
2. Ask Great Questions.
The whole scene in John 9 begins with the question of who sinned? Jesus said neither, but this man was born to give glory unto God. Jesus used some great question in the book of John. Two potential disciples were following Jesus, he is blunt and to the point – “what are your looking for?” Questions spawn great conversations. In the NIV translation, the woman at the well story in John 4:7 begins by Jesus asking “will you give me water?” In John 5:6 Jesus speaks to the point as well, “do you want to be made well?” In John 9 though the scriptures do not form it this way, there is kind of a question lurking in the background. Are you willing to be healed? Do you have the faith to demonstrate it in actions? In any case, this man receives his sight as a miracle working of Jesus. Now his neighbors have plenty of questions. Aren’t you the blind beggar, how is it that you see? Then how were your eyes opened? Now that is a great question. Later on in Chapter 9, Jesus asks one of the greatest questions of all in vs. 35, “do you believe in the Son of Man?” This was followed by another great question, “and who is he sir?”
Questions get us in touch with our feelings. When we are communicating at the level of emotions is where we get to what is really going on in our life, to who we really are, and to the point of allowing ourselves to truly be known.
There are questions on the back of the sermon insert to help in this process. In John ch. 9, we find Jesus responding to a blind man because he understood his felt need. We aren’t as good as Jesus, and we need help. Questions will help in this process. Just a simple question like how do you feel? What is going on? These can make a huge difference in our communicating.
So let’s talk about really communicating for a minute. Write this down. There are five levels of communication.
1. Facts — It sure is dry. (This doesn’t really connect us. It is conversation starter).
2. Events — “Duke lost again yesterday.” (Might connect some Duke fans, but it is a conversation starter).
3. People — “Susie just had a facelift.” (That could stir up some conversation.) “John hates Republicans.” “Bill got a new job.” These are much more engaging.
4. Ideas — “I believe that Jesus Christ is God’s Son and Savior of the world.” Say that to someone, and suddenly you’re sharing some very stimulating material. The conversation can go deep or it can get heated, but ideas are exchanged and we share much more of ourselves in it.
5. Feelings — “I’m hurt today.” “I’m tired.” “I’m happy, bored, jealous, excited.” This is where we live. This is where it gets deep.
When Jesus ministered unto people he ministered at the level of feelings.
There’s a third strength possessed by strong family members.
Strong Family Members…
3. Know That Loving Means Listening. God gave us all two ears and one mouth, because we should do twice as much listening as we do speaking. One of the greatest verses on the family in the entire Bible is James 1:19, which says, My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry... (James 1:19)
A story: “Hello, Ma?” she said.
“Shirley darling, what’s the problem?”
“Oh Ma, I don’t know where to begin. Both of the kids are sick with the flu. The refrigerator just broke. The sink is leaking. In two hours, my Hadassah group is coming here for lunch. What am I going to do?”
“Shirley, darling, don’t worry. I’m going to get on a bus and go into the city. Then I’ll take the train out of Long Island. Then I’ll walk the two miles from the station to your house. I’ll take care of the kids, I’ll cook a nice lunch for the Hadassah ladies, and I’ll even make dinner for Barry.”
“Barry? Who’s Barry?”
“Barry—your husband.”
“But Ma, my husband’s name is Steve. Is this 536-3035?”
“No, this is 536-3036.”
Long pause, then, “Does that mean you’re not coming?”
Do you think the blind man was wondering if anyone was listening? He kept saying I am the blind man. When the Pharisees found out, they brought in his mom and dad and asked him was he born blind. Who is this guy everyone was asking. Only Jesus seemed to really understand who he was and what his need was.
Strong Family Members…
4. Communicate Love Through Touch.
Years ago, in a classic work called Peoplemaking, psychologist Virginia Satir said that it takes eight meaningful touches a day to maintain mental health, and 12 touches a day to grow.
It is noteworthy that Jesus touched this man. How long had it been since someone had touched him, and shown care for him?
I am giving a homework assignment for this week:
I’m going to suggest some things to you today as we begin working on improving the quality of our families. Write these down somewhere and think of them as your…
Family Assignment:
1. Develop a habit of touching with your family. Touch first thing in the morning, touch before you leave the house, touch when you get home. That’s three. To get to eight, you’re going to have to go deeper. To get to 12, well, unless you’re planning to count petting the cat, you’ve got some work to do. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just a touch.
2. Spend some time paying attention to every member of the family each day. It won’t always be possible, but try for a few one-on-one minutes. How about starting with 60 seconds per day? Could you do that? If it’s more than you’re doing now, it’s moving forward. Whatever you do, try to take a step forward.
3. Ask at least one good question every day. Become an expert at this. Then, after you ask your question…
4. Listen quickly and speak slowly.
5. Every Sunday, ask every member of your family, “What did you learn today?” And then really listen to the answer.
Conclusion:
We have talked about Jesus in relationship with his disciples and Jesus in relationship with others. God created us to be in relationship with each other. We found a story today where it seemed that everyone misunderstood the blind man, but Jesus saw his real need. I end by asking the question that Jesus asked the blind man. “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
Amen.
Parts of this ermon & illustrations take from Hal see in his series on "To Save a Family."